咬牙 为了我自己

爱你这件事只能悄悄地说了
好不容易把心锁了
毕竟 天晓得你是在追下一个女生吗
单身日记
好吧 诚实的说应该有传达了你的意思了
可是要我有何回应呢
我心上的伤痕可是很深
禁得起你搅的下一个波澜吗
我平静了
心教会了
没有期待
没有奢望
皆是空

我决定我的决定
别再轻易地把自己交出去了

你为什么要让我如此害怕

我为什么会如此害怕面对你
下一次见到你又会是什么时候
这原因 够不够 让我把一切放下
等待是种磨练 是个折腾
时间可以让我忘记你
也可以为你刻下更深的痕
一件事 很多面
因为在乎 所以我了解
你我呀 都有权利选择
放弃
哭不得 因为泪干了
谢谢 让我一直在翻新的一页
让我深受过孤独的滋味
晓得我承受的能力
不要知道是好的
没有遐想是好的
因为可以很满很满的满足
说到了
我一定一定要做到
一百分的句点。
15/12/2012 8PM

it is a start of something beautiful

Patience pays off. No matter how hopeless I thought to start of my placement late, I am grateful i finally have the contacts of my industry project. It feel so new and foreign. And I have the hope to excel in my new direction. Going in a clear slate. I am going to learn as much as I can do. =) Break a leg.

snowball honeysuckle

They say One day your life will flash before your eyes. thus she is giving in her best towards making sure the flash is worth watching.

在我想要放棄的那一刻，我總是會想為什麼當初堅持走到了這裡。


Whatever you want to do in life, be great in it.

"It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean." - Anthony Robbins

人生就是不断地放下、放下、放下
给：亲爱的树洞、明天的自己

resisting the urge to throw away everything in my wardrobe because i don't like my old taste.
conflicting mind.

双人床 处处都是你的背影

我不喜欢过生日
也不需要有人陪
因为要是习惯有人陪
就会担心有一天可能会失去那个人
如果不去拥有 就不用想念
想念是很痛苦的 你懂吗？

I don't like birthdays
And I don't need anyone with me
Because when you are used to your company
You begin to worry about losing the person
If you don't have anyone, you won't miss anyone
Missing someone is painful, you know?

永远不要去想念你不曾拥有过的
可我已经见过你了
我没办法不想你

Never miss something you've never had
But I've already met you
I can't stop missing you

《爱》叶赫那拉氏 , 2012

有时， 发现我种种缺点后

总觉得我不值得如此被爱及溺宠

bad decision maker

sometimes.. I really would faint at my decision making skills.. :(
repeat again and again. I need to improve...
why do I always sleep late and regret the next morning!

I love bringing trouble to myself

I should just faint unconscious for talking without filtering from brain to mouth. it's just fiction. oh well. whatever. words unsaid. topic untouched. result taken. and I'm only at page 96. boohoo. I'm telling myself I don't care. shut up. I think I'll be flushed soon. so I should just shut everything off now. baka.

midnight musings

everytime I thought of you, I felt like shutting out. good practice to not get hurt eh. don feel like talking anymore while on the phone. maybe because I'm tired or just the bad sore throat. coughing my lungs out these two days in class. I'm bad in decision making. because of the regrets after when bad choices are made and it's more emphasised compared to any good decision if I did made. my eyes hurt today. probably should wear glasses for a while. craving for commitments.

i can't even deny it. i guess i did really totally being me. oops ;0

肉食系戀人指數=70%

未來一段時間的你，你是相當肉食系的戀愛態度，甚至於是有點走花心路線的類型，因為你本身對於愛情的想法比較偏向在追求刺激和玩樂，談戀愛是走開心就好的路線，所以遇到喜歡的對象就會直接衝上前去跟對方示好。

態度直接的你如果遇上對方反應也很熱烈，那麼兩人間的發展就會很快速，而且你也不排斥一夜情之類的事，如果對方反應冷淡，你也不會非要這個人不可，會馬上轉向下一個對象發動攻勢，有點肉食系愛情玩家的路線呢！

寶劍三（正位）

對於你而言最好的愛情秘方是面對現實。

我們時常會在戀愛中美化好對方的行為
不過有些事情明顯就是不對勁，也許只是一段話語
也許只是一個小事情，但是像這樣的磨擦才是火線。

為了避免之後的日子裡你和他產生爆炸，到不如
在問題的一開始就立即解決。

些微的縱容是包容，長期的縱容就是默許了：(

不要為愛盲目了，愛情是為了讓自己活的好才是!

弥天大谎？！

如果你先认真你就输了。

如果能早点认识我就好了。

如果能不认识你就好了。

不可能的念头~如果我不能褪去杂质做到纯粹，我宁愿没有遇见你。~
还是幸福让我遇见了你。
还是感谢让没见过的我出现了。
一直在改变~ 
可是曾经留下的快乐
幸存没被时间冲走；
只是带了点后来涩涩的情感
却还掩不了对那旅程的思念。。

December, the last month in 2012. How would this journey be like? Excited and petrified. It would add up to a wonderful end for this best and fruitful year of my life. Anticipating. This year has been really really really great. Would be a lie if I say I don want it to last longer. Though times go on and I am just living every single moment of it. Making the best of it from myself. Commitments, responsibility, challenges. 

未知回忆

我真的不想心空空的

感觉少了很多很多

真的不能空着

因为胡思乱想很可怕

会把我卷进漩涡

很简单的事情会变得复杂

有原则的条理变得杂乱

答案说出来了却还在烦不知该怎办

不想填满的空洞

任由我妄想的自由

不愿受的压力

就听海底星会说什么吧

是时候 拿起肩膀

负担该承担的

别再自甘堕落吗?

这一次 

走了好久好久

却又像原地踏步

也是走了好远好远

时间却停住

生病时真的就知道

《累》

是会烙印在脑里的

因为太自我吧

不在乎的人事物多了

气愤、怨恨、不满等情绪都没了

只有满满的幸福和快乐

不好吗？

好像又该翻一翻

新的篇章

带点成熟的心吧

=首播= S.H.E 「像女孩的女人」官方完整MV HD

有时候 还是会生气
when people are stereotype and offensive
可是还不会马上回嘴让对方难堪
why did i keep quiet and let you displease me
好辛苦好累 可是还是在努力增进自己吧
as the catalyst, to become the better me, for the brighter future.
加油加油

project commencement

gonna start on a whole new professional journey!!! hyped!!!! this time, I'm doing it right. I'm doing it by myself. no distractions. whirly
wholly awesome.

eating fish congee at midnight when ice cream is not an option

canned corn kernels and baked beans are the best comfort food that bring back childhood memory readily available. I hardly had any when I'm abroad. even though they should be the same, it taste different when not eaten with family. my fried egg doesn't taste the same with those from daddy. fever caught up after an hour walk in the wind last night.. should learn this lesson.. it's bad to feel hot and cold while lying on the bed.. while I have two full day classes consecutively from tomorrow.. wish that I'll get better and holds on.

if only medicines are magical pills and take my sickness away. third time this year to get fever? :( I wasn't so prone to sickness before.. probably should get back to regular eat and sleep pattern..

空悲切

或许是知道纸包不住火

或许是寂寞难耐

今天和姐说了心烦的事

真的很感谢 

生命中有我爱的人和爱我的人

让我至少有个方向

迷路是为我点灯

今天最伤的点应该是从口中说出

这几十年来感觉都作错了

都没成就 好愧疚

可是

想想又不符我在这里之前所记下的心情

或许这是些日志的好处吧

伤心时记得我开心的理由

以往这种时候都在钻牛角尖

让伤心更伤心

觉得我对所有认识过的人都可有可无

就好像好没价值的一生

成绩单上又没多耀眼的成就

友情爱情亲情都没让人明了

怪自己吧

常常答案就在眼前却视若无睹

或晕了头不知所云

其实说说就会发现

真的

自己都知道该怎么做的

犯傻

不要让悲痛蒙蔽了双眼

不要让但却迷失了机会

抬头笑一笑今天是自己的

The way we choose to spend our time is habitual.

The way we see ourselves determine who we would become.

The way we see the problems would determine our achievements. 

Be wonderful. Like always. 

S.H.E - 記得要忘記

it bugs me a lot

I really hate it when you pinch my face. I'm telling you the next time I see you. no matter what. if not I just can't get over it.

what to wear for summer???

wo yi dian ye bu xiang ni
I am just tired and relentless from being sick. hot and cold. summer... please don burn my skin too much.. only a few hours out and I still feel pain on my back from the sunlight... ergh...  I wore a round neck tee and still burnt!! :'( not asking me to wear long johns right?? what should I add to my wardrobe :( such big question....ooooowh... delicate skin...
this look awesome

kthxbye

I'm really bad. doing things I don't like. lying to myself. all this while. there are really a lot of things better left unknown. and a lot of things we don need a reason. I am really a mess when not having a purpose or list of things to do.. have to jot down what I want done and write on my forehead.
this year, is really different.

find things to be busy.

channeling all my energy to more constructive activities. yeah my mind cannot afford to take any break.
butter croissants at this hour. i dont care.

food cravings

waiting three hours for coles to open at midnight to buy ice cream..
=)
i just want to eat i don't care.
just a sad thing i can't get it now..
pizza from pizza house...
fried noodles..
grilled chicken rice..
devour...
never ending list..
BUT
i need to find a new food buddy
:'(

sun rise and sun set

I miss the sun set at oia, greece.
it was so beautiful.
simple and great.
I havent seen a sun rise yet.
though I bet it's beautiful.
the glimpse from the window of my birmingham hostel just lack the majestic background.
I wish one day, I would see this beautiful thing.
simple wish.
I hope it would come true.
the beginning of the day,
the start of everything,
renewed.

Quiet

she left.
not like I haven't been here before.
noone to call at late nights.
noone to call out for impromptu meals.
noone to do stupid random things together.
challenge of not losing someone to distance and time.
just that this time instead of six months, we don have a time limit.
been here. done that.
every now and then.
felt my heart loses something.
and I would have to keep up
to be better and better.
it's true I think too much.
stop being like this.
straight.

it was a blank canvas.. and then..

you learn in this society, you don't and you can't always get what you want.

you have to fake a smile even when you are deeply hurt.

it is just that you have a ruler in your heart that whether this person or occasion is worth the effort. 

when you set yours lower, you get hurt easily.

people would take advantage of you. 

and you have to fake a smile to get through.

and act like no you ain't hurt or offended.

though deeply i just want to get away. run away. stay away. 

but running away isn't the way.

this is just how things is.

you learn to know yourself better

you learn to know your standards and boundaries

you build a wall to avoid getting hurt

you find ways to forget about the pain and betrayals

i find love and focus on them

i find happiness and immerse in them

all negatives are just rubbish when i have the overwhelming happiness

for now..

my power is only my attitude and my habit..

so finding the right thing to do.. the right people..

to strengthen my beliefs.. 

i love the people who are worth it. 

and i don't take you for granted.

because no one has the obligation to love anyone. 

my heart is still fragile.

but growing stronger. 

because of those i met.  

because of what i had been through.

it's tormenting

why do I allow people to do things that annoys me to me. why do I let her pinch my face touch my head or my shoulder when I really hate it. why do I not let my anger shown. I love her. I have my own boundaries. it's too much to expect others would treat you the way you treat the others. when i thought this kind of respect is the basic manners.

sometimes. I just feel terribly stupid. just by talking. either I express too much or I feel I dono much. yeah I'm. too much trust and innocence to believe human is a good creature.

anyway too much self inflicted pain lately. calling for absolute closure from now. draw a smile. courtesy to greet the morning.

life always has its answer

toughen up.. pushing and covering..
for the ones i love
and for those who love me.
to make it all worthwhile.
=)

growing with you

when I'm really really sad, I really really cry.. really really loud... and stop. when there is this wall, that noone else can understand... I just have to figure out the way to pull myself through. done it for years. of course I should do it for the next few decades. keeping a sadness is tormenting. when letting go is not an easy option. i just don feel right. and it is just not justified. to let my sorrow go. I love you.
I guess its true one can be trying to live better for herself and be nice to others at the same time. when you live not only for yourself. and it's for someone else. willingly. not for another's expectations but for someone else. you just try to be really really great. it's not easy. to turn the thoughts around but I do know. how would this person feels.
no there is no cure. even when you know millions of others lost someone they love too. because growing older is a phase for you. realising bigger loss become a part of you. taking up responsibilities would be controlling you. loosen up. for those who love unconditionally. it took years for acceptance. it took years for the grief. while growing up. just never end. till I meet you again.
maybe in a better place. maybe you are just moving on. I do too. but truth is. growing up. gets a bit  complicated. and I'm sorry. when I got depressed and down. every living moment counts. so I try to only think about. I love you.
why did I talk to people who couldn't care less. I feel bad showing people this side of me. you are private. and I need to live it to myself. stop.

bubble

I don like to feel like a complete failure. I'm not wise.. I make bad decisions and have to live with it. I'm not profound in big matters. I have too many things that I have not learnt. I live in a sheltered bubble that seems too protected to others. I'm not prone to the things they been through or the story they lived. I'm not proud of it but my innocence comes from the life I led. I am healing the broken pieces. and ignorant to your messed society. no I don speak your language. but why would you want to?

担担当个孩子的责任

櫻桃小丸子驚點語錄

或許是因為一份學業，因為一份工作，因為一段愛情，我們離開了爸爸媽媽，去了一座別的城市。一個人在外面，很不容易，沒啥，拼得就是堅強！

我并不是坚强
只是不敢面对的压力
颇大
我知道我的想法很自私
毕竟我是倍受爱护的
对不起辜负了你们
居然没有多虑你们的担心
真的对不起
错得好深...
我不梦了...
你说不该做的事
就不想了吧
因为再让你担心
也太不孝了吧
我真的
在加倍地爱你们
i bit my lips
because i am not sure
if you would know that. 
i really really hope you can feel it. 
i am really really thankful.
for all the things that i have been through.
every single words you said. 
every road you led me to. 
every decision i learnt to make.
i love you. 
forever and always. 

Pressure cooker

I am just not sure how valuable my cert is.
Future full of doubts.
but that's the challenge that makes life worthwhile.
and if everything is only about my future career,
that's just not true.
lucky for me.
there are more things that i care for.

there is just one topic.
that would break me.
that I shouldn't touch.
i know i need to shout out the words sometime.
and i should really not burden or let my vulnerability shown.
trying hard.
but sometime the bubble would burst.
and i cry out loud in front of the ones i don't want to hurt the most.
i feel sorry for crying in front of you.
i really am.
i am really still the very well cared girl you raised.
i love you.
sorry sorry sorry.

People matters. Always.

I given up the right to think that I would have a long life when I was a teen. Was it giving up or being taken away? I guess most people take it for granted. This is just probably some sensitive issue that is not a good 'conversation' topic. Only people like me would even give a thought to something like this. Is there anyone else like me even? but I am okay with it. There is not right or wrong in thinking like this.. Not a good or bad thing either. It is a big part of my dark side. My dark and emotional side. I am living the plus side too of course. Being treasuring a lot of small and big things around me. Every event, every person, every moment. Living at its best. Love to the utmost. Passionate. Strong. Bitter. Sweet. It can be really easy in all things. Just take a switch of mind. When anything happens, it would start, get rough, smoothen, continue its cycle or just end. Like any relationship between people. Treat everything like a case. It takes a stronger and colder heart, when applying this to people. Not sure whether I can do this but this just pop into my head as I am writing. Strangers. We say hi. We say goodbye. We keep in touch. Relationship strengthens. Arguments and estranged. Get back in touch. Or just goodbyes and awkward catch up. It's the same for everybody. Every type of relationship. Be it passerby on the street, colleagues, friends, best friends, special ones, loved ones, family.. You know what it hurts the most? There are no forever in any relationship. We strive for one. Try hard to believe in one. Makes it happen. If you are lucky, you would get one.

I do believe in people. There are still hopes. I am not pessimistic in deceiving everyone I know or everyone out there. But things happen. Some out of control, some just out of human nature. Of course I hope that tomorrow we would still be in touch. Next month. Next year. The next decade. and I put in effort to make it happen. However you put it though, things change. Even if the people don't, circumstances do. Forever is a lost cause. We could try to build the relationship as long as we can. Though it all ends at some point. Years of relationship. It can just went up in smoke. And yes there is a forever goodbye. When the ones in your heart heart stop beating. Why do I put myself through this? Writing this is like recording my state of mind. At this age, in 2012, I know who I am and how I see people. I try to be the best I can be to people I meet. I believe the best in people and put my heart up. Admitting that I haven't been letting people in since teen was like a big realization. The day I met this one person something special happened. It was like a fairy whispering through a breeze. And I decide to let my walls come down. Thanks to a truthful friend to know that I had became more selfish. I start to know what I want to do what I want. Always been like that. Being me. And it turns to the better too. I had become nicer. Think and feel for the others.

Just let me grow. Test the water. Be however whatever wherever. Learn the lesson and I would know more. Putting myself out there. Grow and learn. Grow and learn. Be me. Remember. Be me. and be good.

Every step we take is creating memories

Only the present matters.
Because nobody knows what will happen to anyone tomorrow.
We don't say the things we feel.
We stay strong because words bring tears.
We hold back and wish for the best.
Life takes its toll and this time would always come.
What we have developed is really precious and beautiful.
Love and care no one else like you.
Best thing in my life.
Even when we do not know when is tomorrow.
Focus on present.
We have had it all.
Every single moment counts.
Beautiful things.
When I let people in.
Good times bad times.
Take it all in.
With open arms.
Love you with all my heart.
And I would cry my heart heart out.
You know I do the extremes.
Hurting me is easy.
but only those who know me best know the right way to lighten me.
You have it all.
Now.
Every part of me shudders.
Treasure.
You ain't an easy thing to come by.
Dare not think about the future.
Fear would consume me.

because i am me.

me. being me. tired of being me. really really tired.
knowing what i want.
not getting what i want.
is a process.
i need to get through.
my heart is pounding.
it felt endless.
the world spins..
my head aches..
i .. deal with it..
dismay..
but i have to live with it..

you are my best feeling

it's a risk to play
there is a cost
there always is
for the happiness
flashbacks
at least it was sweet
just choose a bad time
i am having exams
please just get out of my head
it was a wise decision
grrrrrggghhhh
remember... it's a happy talent to know how to play ^^

i am bored...
3 more nights and done for a while~
seriously
how long do i have to wait for the freaking call centre to attend to my call!






=_=

:'( i'm tired of all these negatives that is clouding my mind.

what can stop me from freaking out and crying into distress?
tired
and nothing seems to clear my head
i need a clear mind to write in my exam
i need to focus
i need to focus
on one thing at a time
i need to focus
and i can shine
i can kill the paper
is not hard
i am ready for it
i just don't have to panic
i don't need to be nervous
just be calm
just have a good night sleep
i have done enough
i have being better prepared than any other papers in my life
i am doing what i am good at
i can write
i am a brilliant exam taker
i hope i am as good as i dream of.
what takes a person to do things that she believes in?
just do it.
my heart is strong enough
my brain has worked enough
talking on the phone isn't helping
i just need to cheer up
and do what i normally do
have the right state of mind

i am not crying over spilled beans
i just have to focus on what have to be done need to be done left to be finished
rolls on.

i hope a good night sleep is all i need
aka fighting.

I HATE IT WHEN ALL JOKES FAIL TO CHEER ME UP!!
LIGHTEN THE MOOD MIRACULOUSLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICK MYSELF UP aarrrggghhhhhh... why am i like in this wreck state?

又累了

好烦呐
真的
money money money
why am i the kind
who spent and regret
who spent and thought twice about it after
didn't think enough before my actions..
:'(
always always
just get frustration the hour after i feel i did something wrong
or just small small matters
which i won't give a shit later
for sure
since i have got so many urgent and more important matter right now
such as study..
rather than dealing with this overheated brain all the while
it is just the momentaneous rage over myself
that annoys the most

The Script - Six Degrees Of Separation

he is so so so talented!!! he is so powerful in all of his songs!! and in the voice his performance is so so awesome!!! such powerful voice from a person!! DANNY IS SO GREAT!!!! and of course THE SCRIPT!!!
my latest fascination <3

you are just someone special.. that's all i know..

oh well.. so now a new decision.. probably not the best or even for the better but maybe it is good for now..

since i have the ability to forget what i want, what i did, so instead of the period i suffered most, which i already can't quite recall other than a blurry memory or maybe non-existant now.. i am gonna forget the night that i drank a lot and come home and do the thing that i wanted to. just the entire night. okay and those days. that's it. maybe it would be better? =) i am still a good person right. i don't even know whether we are still friends? or just someone you knew.
urgh.. forget it.. i just go and see what stupid thing did i said that night.. hahahaha only like two lines and yeah i left no room anymore.. i am just THAT ****** **.... i really really do a lot of things without bothering with consequences.. and yes i hate that i have to live with it now.. T_T why did i do this to myself? ohmigosh...... i don want to drink when i am very sad anymore...
:'( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghh


我想念那舒适的感觉
我做了让我以后不会遗憾的事
可能后悔
可是没有遗憾
我想念 真 真 真

life: study, work, eat, play, travel, family..

i am not that far away.. in fact.. i had never been away.. the ache is still there.. tossing me back and forth.. is this growing up? there are always questions that i can't answer.. and there are questions that i dare not to think about.. it's november.. frankly.. it doesn't matter that i don't get to see or contact or communicate with someone on my mind.. been there? another level of self absorption? i don't see how or when is this going to end.. it would?! i hope?! i don't even know what i want still.. when everything is just one-sided there is really nothing to be done.. i mean i miss you and i hope you know that..or not??  i do still try not to miss of you or have you jump into my thoughts when browsing around in my own hurrah.. what the hell am i doing?? i already know the answer such a long time ago.. i take the extra step to assure myself and push myself to accept it.. life rolls on and my feelings should have too.. i avoid the things that might trigger anything about you.. i don have any hopes or attempts in you.. avoiding this chapter for a freaking long time.. I WILL..

is it november?

we all get into troubles for not listening to advice..
even though i absolutely love and enjoy every moments of my life
please wake me up again when November ends... and start the new challenges of December with strength
time really really flies.. =(

Lady Antebellum - One Day You Will

it taunts my heart..

fighting is tiring...;'(

i do things i don't know the way i dealt with it.
when i felt zero achievement, like i failed everything i've done so far
closed my eyes
ignorance
bipolar
the worst kind of personality?
is the moody me better?
though i felt lifted a lot lately
but small little things that crossed me that brought me down
kicked me hard
literally can feel the heart turned to a heavy stone sinking
instantly
yes i have low EQ in my own comfort zone
it sucks that i know my weaknesses
and have to fight hard against it.

what do i have to do
to cheer myself up

should i really mask myself
and joke about the things that make me feel sad
maturity
another challenged
laughing hard for a long time
probably there is bound to be a fall hard coming
tear drops and beaten heart
haven't expected this long night when i woke up..

when had i become so fragile
so prone to the comments and judgement
have i always been?
i didn't care more
now.. should i care less?
button up.. i can slide through this...
please please toughen up
iris...

career planning!?

I NEED TO COOL DOWN
CHILL
i know what i want to do..
sort of...
at least...
so i just need to work out the plan..
step by step.. step by step..
just like working on an assignment
just that career is on a bigger scale..
just like life is on an even bigger scale..
breathe in.. breathe out....
UUUUUEEEERRRRGGGGHHHH
small animals frantically running around in my head..
CAREER PLANNING IS STRESSFUL
but i can't skip it like i skipped UNI PLANNING
because RESPONSIBILITY ROLLS IN
AND I NEED TO ATTEMPT TO CONTROL MY LIFE DIRECTION
cool down.. cool down...
one by one..
small decisions...
small decisions..
i got a few hours ahead..
it's fine.. it's fine...
GAGA


so now i know all these amazing people with wonderful personalities and well articulated resume.. with impressive skills and comprehensive work experience... it is just like the group ranking that i did for practice assignment today.. felt like i have zero accomplishments.. i mean.. i know i did not wasted my life till now.. they all help in building who i am today.. but i can't put any impressive experiences on the table.. it's just built in and within who i am.. stressed much? oh yeah.. say the girl looking at job ad the whole night not knowing what she wants to do and where she wants to go next.. and even if i do, what do i have in my hands to offer to the company? undue stress... walking horizontally.. =(

enjoying the hectic moments... *splash*

how can one be hectic from the first week to the last week of the study period?? i think i have the potential to be a workaholic... finding a lot of things to do to put on my list.. and then procrastinate.. and wait till the last minute to do it.. i i i i i i i.... need a new motto... which is.. an achievement list daily to have something actually done everyday.. instead of keep on postponing and get shock at the long list of tasks to do..
WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF TO DO and it haven't even involve PREPARING FOR EXAMS!!!!

i'm either a perfectionist or over-achiever or workaholic or plain dumb.. don understand why people excited over graduation and thrown into the workforce.. career climbing is something that i'd go through when the time comes.. and would look forward to in time.. but there is just so much pressure and stress in choosing the right path.. like is this really what i want? but i would worry about that when i really need to.. but i really sad that i don't know what to put on my resume.. what do i have to offer..

Taylor Swift - Stay Stay Stay (RED Album)(Lyrics)

Self-indulgence~~  I didn't know i am really such a perfectionist!!!  but so far~~ i am really happy and feel my life turns out perfect.. of course there are wrong turns and better decisions.. but they are still part of the  perfections~~ i am really really really happy!!!! =) never love so many songs in one album before.. and really a lot from this talented album.. adding to my happiness.. is it really better to have many wishes?? i can't name or list what's mine.. but i know i do have expectations at the back of my mind justifying all my thoughts and actions.. is the answer to 'what's your aspiration' as 'happiness' really childish? that is of course not the answer what my future employer would like to see on my resume.. but this really plays a significant part in my decisions.. +___________+ must i really say i want to contribute to the efficiency in interpreting the market to aid in decision making to attain higher profit????? shooting at the sun..

我爱我

我只想要紧紧地抱着你
不放手不分开
我只想和你贴在一起
没有距离
静静地
听听你的呼吸声
闻你身边的味道
知道我们的心之间是没有距离的
因为
我爱你
和做我爱的事
那快乐是翻倍地
如果我知道
你知道

最近好累
吃太多了
疯了吗
习惯自由
享受现在
真的
"and i never saw you coming
and i'll never be the same"
我真的 很爱我自己 至少, 我有我的全世界
在慢慢地砌上一砖一瓦，别再轻易让我的墙被撞跨了
学长大 这是颤动的过程吧 这条路 还要走多多少啊
别 别 别   骗了自己 我爱我

small talks

is it bad that i got the habit of channeling out most of my feelings?
like i must say it type it just express it
and hey that's why i got this blog
because i know sometimes these are things that people wouldn't care
or maybe people would judge..
but as long as i express it
i don really care what you think of me
because this is really who i am
i write
it can be real
it can be fictional
it can be from a movie i watched, a book i read, a song i listened..
i can imagine i'm someone else and feel deeply in that character
put it in my words and tell the story here
it is not worth the effort to judge anyone by its cover
by his or her actions
even if you thought you know that person so much
i can learn from his behaviors or mistakes
in making myself a better person
because looking past all those grudges and fires he could have incited
it is more useful to just be the bigger one and grow
or so i thought

Angela 張韶涵 - That Girl官方完整HD版MV [That Girl Official HD MV]

foodies

so today i went to buy a pack of tofu that i never tried
and it's no good
i guess i should just stick to the stuffs that i usually eat..
bummer...
or try another new one..
i love the old one still but just donno why..
feel like trying new stuff lately..
=)
ain't my life interesting..
convincing myself to cook at home more..

always always in my mind, affecting me in my every decision. you are. really here.

i couldn't say i couldn't live without ___________
be it anything.. anyone.. any any any reasons...
because it's far too sensitive.. and not true..
you would get over it somewhere.. sometime.. somehow..
it may be devastating from time to time
but life rolls on and you just have to get on with it
there is never the right answer in how you should behave or deal with it
there is never any indication on how many years it would take for a pain so deep
because there is noone's fault
nothing to be blamed on
nothing.. noone...
it may hurts you can talk to noone about it
you can't spill it like just a random part of you
but you would get on and just live with it
it's just not true.
so i wouldn't say. i couldn't live without ____________.
i am really thankful
for everyone that is here.
in my heart.
for my being.
i would love you, till the end of the time.
because i learn. even if i can't take the pain, it would still hurt and torment me.
till i realise, it's time to get up and face the punches again.
regrets are things that could never be changed again.
thus i live my life to achieve all the things i want with all my might.
i love you and this is all that counts.

the world is a happy place.

i'm enjoying so much in my life
i'm so lucky so lucky to have everything i have now
i'm just so happy.
blessed.
nothing to hold back.

i'm just lucky that no one can crashed into my space.
zoned out.

rocking back and forth.. back and forth..
i love Queen Victoria Building in Sydney
i love Block Arcade in Melbourne
i love the London Court in Perth
woooooooooooh
why the arcade in my city not as pretty..



i'm awesome i'm awesome i'm awesome
everything is fine everything is fine everything is fine
i'm feeling good feeling good feeling good
i got time to do whatever things i want
i am in control of myself
my mind is a happy place
i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i
xoxo

wall street~

good days i'd be okay
bad days i'd be okay
some days my feelings would be irrelevant
and it would just stop
because it doesn't matter

okay closure closure... before i go into that downward spiral again.

Joey and Phoebe belong together

golden heart really only belongs to on screen shows.. it's what people wish for.. but not exactly how things work out.. phoebe is so awesome =)

Rachel and Chandler (Friends): Nobody said it was easy

it was another stupid idea.. alright with my unstable state of mind i can't really make any best actions.. so staying at current state is probably the best.. i mean it takes more than one person to maintain any friendship right.. i'm walking on sunshine.. =)

i did nothing wrong.. so i think i can now stop my 'stop thinking to stop overthinking'

my room smells chocolate-y~ because i spilled cocoa powder on the table this morning when rushing through breakfast. i was wide awake at 430am.. and got up three hours later to get ready for class.. what an awesome morning.. i am better than alright.. friends are like scolding me for reminding they not gonna come back again.. but i also explained i excited for them to get into the working world.. no pain no gain.. oh and i am actually good at being alone.. as long as i am busy.. no harm.. could be productive and get some serious work done too.. kinda look forward to it now.. =) i guess i should change my air ticket soon.. another year missing new year at home.. .. what a complex feelings i have got.. hard work would pay off someday.. i need to find an industry soon.. work work work.......

facebook is for people i don't know.. people who don't care
whatsapp is for people i do know.. people i do care..
skype is for people i do care.. people i do love..
emails and postcards are for people i care.. i love..
and phone calls is for people i really care.. people i really love..
spreading happiness is how relationships between people work
people don't relate to negative emotions and try to avoid them
that is for the best.
communication portrays your whole character..
what you say would form who you are in others' impressions
people try to keep things private
it's the norm
and then you slowly put trust and faith into the relationship
so that you don't get hurt
so that everyone gets what they want from it
living in this world
you choose who you want to be
and i like to go against the flow
=)

it's not always i can find someone i can be open about
i can be totally me
whoever stranger whatever reasons behind
it's precious. and yes i'd try to grab that back. when there is a door.

this is the right decision.. stick to it..

let it burn let it burn let it burn..
poooophhhhhh~
burn to ashes~~
ashes~~
ashes~~
eenie meenie
i am on a good track
i know what i am doing
i have the power
i have self-control
i can i can i can
i know it is no easy job
but i am gonna go pass this and be proud one day..
no no no no no no no no nono not doing anything stupid
more than enough is done.......
words said..
feelings portrayed..
tears gushed..

turning down a spontaneous travel =(

awh i am a bit tired to hang around  me now.. i get utterly depressed in part of me... and some part booming with happiness.. and then some part so energetic to kick off my uni work.. then then.. it's just not cool.. i decide to not think about sydney... no matter how i really want to go.. start being  a responsible young lady alright? reasons not to go:
1. i have been there and last time we have got free transport around by friends, this time, depending on public transport.. (we gonna live in city.. not really a prob..)
2. i haven't look up where to go to travel around sydney.. even though we going to live right in chinatown.. it would be quite pointless if all to do is just shopping and eating.. (owh owh but is with SUYI!!! +_+)
3. i have to save money in case i have to travel more in summer and next year.. (okay this is valid reason because i did really traveled a lot this year)
4. i am kind of on diet and don want to eat out so much again.. i just went and eat a lot in perth right!! (true true.. i gonna puke eating so much again since i can't resist good food)
5. i have got a group project due on sunday so if i get back on sat it would be a bit rush to finish it off.. (so totally not true because even if i am here we gonna start on friday anyway)
6. money money money.. be responsible alright!! STOP SPENDING SO MUCH!! +_+..

this is another decision that i might regret later.. but just being sensible alright.. the thrill of impromptu travel is really fun.. but i need to learn talking some sense into myself now.. there would be another chance to travel with suyi to elsewhere next year and so on.. and i would always see her since i go there so much.. it's just a bit too much to handle in my head and i can't really enjoy in such a short trip.. maybe not the perfect solution.. but this is what i should do.. probably this is the right decision that a sharp young lady should make.. rest assured i can be sensible under pressure..

it's the right thing.. it's the right thing.. maybe a bit sad about not going.. but one day i'd be proud of my decisions.. at least one can always hope...

refusing to sleep when i am sleepy

how many nights i just sit right in front of here.. doing nothing.. mind blank.. super late into the night.. 2 or 3 am and just don't want to go to bed.. even though i am downright tired.. just being unproductive.. and not achieving what i want to do disappoints me.. i am really tired really sleepy.. but i don't know what is it keeping me from tucking into my bed.. absurd.. getting totally unreasonable.. should i go to sydney? don really know what to do there.. it maybe just an exciting idea.. okay don go.. put whatever that should be behind my back at the back.. AT THE BACK.. tonight.. i'm gonna sleep on it.. i give in..

silent bloggers

contradictions

do you believe in meeting the right person?
do you believe in finding the right person for the rest of your lives?
do you believe in trying and figuring things out?
do you believe in stopping deleting and playing?
whatever that is
there is no right or wrong answer
and i don stress myself over answering these..
food for thoughts~
seriously i should think about the ancient architecture contradicts with the modern facade in the shopping prescint, the sophisticated customer niche in the high pedestrian flow area, the big shopfront display window with small entry door, the differentiated tenants compared to other retails... target market blah blah blah....
contradictions..
how do you believe in marriage if you don't believe in relationships?
how do you not believe in relationships when you don't get hurt?
how do you get hurt when you don't rip your heart out?
it's just a cycle.
what goes around comes back around.

伤心太久是会伤身的

okay.. here i am.. blogging again.. when i actually aim to finish off my remarketing and remanagement of the historical arcade in two days.. so that i can fly off to sydney to celebrate birthday with my girl.. =( and i can't because i had little info to write on right now.. inspection tomorrow hopefully can help me in my flow of words.. god bless.. and so i can come and write off whatever is preoccupying my mind ALL DAY... again.. words fail me.. i can't seems to put it into words.. 零零碎碎的片刻。。 是折磨。。还是折腾。。我伤心。。他今天又会帮我整理我的行李。。又麻烦了。。更陌生的陌生人。。我不敢想象他在想什么。。因为我自己。。不该想的太多太多了。。我今天。。很努力地装我过得很好。。我毕竟真的很快乐。。可是他的那一块。。真的割得很深。。回忆是会渐渐淡去的。。我和自己说。。他都没有想什么。。拜托我醒醒别陷了。。爬出来很考毅力的。。伤心太久是会伤身的。。我。。还有很多很重要的人。。要去爱。。值得爱。。

high tea at Hilton for SuYi's 21st. i love the smile from the people i love. i love that you are truly happy and can share it with me. i love that i can share all my happiness around you. i love that you wouldn't left me.. i love that you don't run away from my attachment when i get lost.. i love that my madness and craziness don scare you away.. i love that you take time to understand me and don't judge.. i love that you are my save net.. my crying tree.. my garbage bin.. i thank you for hugging me when i need it most.. i thank you for just being here throughout all this time.. i thank you.. for letting me in.. my playmate, my eating buddy, my kbox companion... i am going to miss you like crazy.. i can call you all the time.. and no it wouldn't be the same.. our lives would be so different when you start working.. if that's a valid reason why people estranged.. you would be so far away..  i really really hate goodbyes.. and i have to do it so many times this year.. the good thing is.. at least.. this is not forever.. at least there is something to hold on to.. i love this year.. i have to remember.. this year has given me so much so much.. be myself alright.. be my rightful self..

to stop the girl from overthinking, she needs to stop thinking. simple.

you are like poison.
i was really really really really good
even when you talked to me i thought i handled it well
so well
and then it came crawling back
i know
i am trying
to balance it out
this time
i am not falling
i am not falling
i am not falling
there is a lot a lot a lot
of things i have to do
a lot on my mind
a lot of people i want to meet
a lot of things i have to handle
and i am already done with your square
finished off whatever i had
nothing left nothing left
i am the good new me
happy happy cheerful girl
cherishing every single moment of my life
you are a big part of me
you still are
just that i changed it into something else
nothing less
but nothing more
just stay there
and don't creep
i can do this
kbox for the first time since that night
and i din know
it reminded me of that night i sang before i struck the stroke
no no no no no no more tears
just a clean dry me
not going back
moving forward.

the human mind is a wonderful thing.. it forgets pain so you can go out and get some more

i love listening to you on the phone and we wait.
i love talking to you and you listen.
i love listening to you and say nothing
it's intense

i let go of my hand
when it's time to move on
i can't keep doing that
even though i really really want to
moment of impact
can crushed me
but there is nothing else to be done

keep the cigarette i don't smoke
keep the beers i don't drink
keep the pictures i don't burn
keep the thoughts i shove away

they say lighting japanese lanterns
is letting go of the past
i say lighting my inner desires
burns me to the core

i love me
for being me
i change
for the better me
i change
for the next better you

closer
to my fairy god wedding dress
i feel you

相信爱

因为想通了
所以我可以把想写的都写出来
我敢去想没有想过的
因为锻炼了自己
拿得起就得学会放下
敢走的路
就要昂首阔步
我的思路
我的逻辑
我的世界
要看得越来越阔
越来越远
学习永不间断
因为我讨厌
活得太狭隘
把自己陷在框框
那 不是我
要走的路
现在要自己一砖一瓦地铺

我真的 可以自己过很好
我相信过 我走过的
寻回那份真
我相信
我幸福

满满的爱
让我好满足我的生活
谢谢
一切的一切
让我很珍惜
一切的一切
过去、现在、未来

Presentation reflects

it's fresh
this time
it's my australian groupmates who said that
they were thinking what would happen if they got into accident before the presentation
and i was so happy that i don't think of this at all
or positive
or just simply consumed
hahhahahaa
anyway it was over
though tom didn't got his slides up but it was really great
love working on this case..
best team work ever
i guess we all work well under pressure..
hope we would be ready to kick in the next time when life give us short notices too

Felix Baumgartner's Top Freefalls

the adrenaline to fly over
it's unbelievable
breatheless to fight off the fears
incredible

if there's no goals left
what you gonna do?
so you fight the fear
you discover new challenges
counting your blessings

Mission Accomplished - Red Bull Stratos - World Record Freefall

the beauty.. the peace.. the magnificient..
absolute beauty..

you are not the reason someone died. it's not your choice. tell yourself that.

when you live long enough and you lost enough people
you will learn to appreciate the memories you have
stop grudging on to the one you forgot to make

the lucky one

if he had to die for someone else to live
what is the choice for the others
other than to live it bright and strong
the kid who watched his dad crashed under his treehouse to rescue him
how to live with that.
how to be under that pressure and be okay

he is the reason he lived
why did he make that choice
we can only accept that
it's all arranged
it's all faith
that determines it all
if it's not
i don't know how to live

温暖。家

我真的好幸福
身在这个家
很爱
家里的每一格
一起经过的大大小小
曾经走过的路
吵过的架
好爱你们
爸爸妈妈
一家人
我真的很爱我们

my heart still lies here. even when it hurts. it's always the place to go.

我哭我闹我撒娇
我疯我狂我定格
我成长我抵抗
我懦弱我坚强
我逃避我面对
拥有爱护我的你们
是我今生就大的幸福和满足
谢谢家的存在
让我可以开怀地笑

记得美丽的昨天
玩在完美的今天
更 灿烂地期待， 每一个明天

Fancy writing what hurts my shell

knocked on my right knee and bruised it
on the table corner
right next to my bed
when i just want to start wearing short skirts..
oh well i still do
but now everyone can see the bruise there
uglehhh
and it still hurts when i touch it!!
guess i'm getting old and can't take the knocks and falls so much now
not that i did fall down that much when i'm younger

these days
flashed back the time i fainted while yoga-ing
that was complete shock
first time ever like i can forget to breathe
oh well the first time that i can remember i fainted completely
no i don't want to experience it again
it's just like reminding me
i got a reason/purpose to live so just keep breathing..
i should okay i need to really get starting on yoga
slacked like three months.. +_+
iris ah iris...

do you believe in selective memory?
i do now..
because maybe that's why i forgot totally on my major first practice case
when i said shut the whole thing down
the whole period just went out from my mind
maybe in the recycle bin..
coz i felt it's leaking out a bit today..
hahahhahahahha
=D

memory is a weird thing

i'm reading back my posts.. and i don remember.. the bad thing that i did on tuesday... and the day after.. i knew the one on monday in david parker's class.. because it was so bad.. but maybe the ones happened after is not big enough to fit into my brain.. is this good? guess so.. but really have to start memorising stuffs.. lets start with lyrics =) haven't been using the memorising function for a good long time.. hmm.. start with this one? it's so funny i love it.

金色心情

我知道
我一直喜欢在外面
往外跑 往外跑
看世界 看风景
绑不住
能多远就多远
幸福的日子可以很长
因为我也享受
努力奋斗的日子
我真真感谢
我拥有的一切
我得到的一切
我未得到的一切
属于我和不属于我的一切
越来越喜欢
这样的自己
玩美

internationals
cross around the world
so glad so glad
i own the chances in doing what i had been doing
and for what i am doing

起步点不一样
看的世界不一样
烦恼不一样
开心也不一样
生活不一样
爱的人 事 务 也不一样
你懂 我在说什么吗？
启发 我爱的生活

最近 很爱这首歌

May God have mercy on us

remember?
don't scatch it
and i'll be fine.
just memorise the twenty minutes presentation
get the 30% work in front of omg david parker
and i will be fine
everything will be fine
better
best
just get the best of me out there
alright?
memorise the script
remember all of it
tonight
is going to be fine.

seriously..
what's the odds you chose TONIGHT out of ALL NIGHTS?
i'm fine. i'm fine.
i am perfectly concentrating on my script.
nothing else matters.

don't do if you can't afford to lose.

it's true it would stop itching when you stop scratching.
in food.
in study.
in social.
in addictions.

close it shut when the desire to scratch comes.
with every might.
and try harder.
=)

i don't want to feel.
a thing.
because i don't afford to.
rupture again.

Incredible happiness

不喊痛，不一定沒感覺. 不期望，不一定沒要求. 不說話，不一定沒心聲.

干嘛那么辛苦哇

是啦

在人前

应该这样？

just that my expressions would give me away mostlynot that i don't want to pretendso i just say what i want what i feel what i thinkof course mostly as appropriate to people's tasteoh well at my consideration..sometimes i do go overboard..unintendedand awhh.. hate it.. but gotta live with the consequences

i am just so so so so so glad so gratefulthis year i can say it againit is such an amazing year and it is the best year of my life!!! so happy it rings a bell.. because i am pretty surei truly had felt thismany many times since i grew up

thankful

for all the things that happened and not happen

forever remembered and forever forgotten

soon to come and soon to not come

incredibly happy

living the moment

^^

Dawn

if sunshine doesn't brighten up my day, you will.
if raindrop doesn't form a song, you will.
if flower doesn't bring me colors, you will.
if grass doesn't bring me calm and peace, you will.

your charms brighten me
your skills challenges me
your reflections stir me
your quietness silenced me

remind me of who i am
inspiring me who i can be
hug me kiss me and bring me love
know me like no one ever does

this is beautiful
words don't bring me down
this is beautiful
my dawn before darkness

it has been bad lately

不想回家
总是把一切变得复杂
总是把好的变得负的
能怎样呢

i don't i don't i don't
want to come home
everything gets complicated
good things can become bad in your mind
my smiley eyes can get teary in an instant

is it me
is it under a bad spell
is it the bad impression from all bad times
is it that i lost hope
and i fail to hold on tight
and fail to remember

i hate that i lost patience
i hate that i lost my behavior
i hate that i throw tantrums
and regret the second i did so

i do love you
i do appreciate you
i do i really do
i kind of not sure
whether i have more of this problem
or you

expressions
i fear
i will get deeper trouble

you are so close to me.. is this weird?

Time... Slow down.. I don't want to fast track my life.. and i am so happy the way with all the things that it is now.. =) I felt like she came back today.. hugging me from behind.. while I'm doing my work.. it felt different.. like she is happy too.. the way things working out on me.. blessed.. maybe.. i called you a lot lately.. it just came out.. and i don't feel not right.. and you are here.. it's beautiful.. and the date is coming nearer.. and i have no intentions on slowing down or pacing faster to get to that state all over again.. i love you.. i wish i had said that more and you had heard it..

smiling all day =)

today
i have no idea why
i am smiling all the time
i have no idea
i feel lifted all the time
i am just so happy
without any obvious reasons
and i have no fuss of finding it out
i am just happy
even when somethings go wrong
or even when i hit obstacles...
this is just me?
i don't need to know why i'm so happy
just like i don't need one to feel sad
when my heart just said so
i feel so..
emotions
i love you.

yes i did it again
third day in a row
aaaawesome
so sleepy
so tired greattt

i love what i do

nothing i can't handle

time goes by

and i savor every single moment

of stress

of work

of tied up brain work

felt dizzy today while reading a case

probably low glucose?

ah well 

go back to the time when i regretted one thing i do every day

owh today is the second day in consecutive regretted something i said. 

maybe it would stop soon.

oh well today's is better to dwell on than yesterday 

at least is not in front of the class

i'm so tired

oh gosh i need more time to shut down

not looking, not hearing, not eating, not absorbing

nothing

not a single thing. 

i am really really really happy and yes.. i dono how is it possible with all these going on

rambles rambles rambles

talk so much live so much

that i won't even remember after a period of time

need to find some help

who forgets an entire research project just weeks after completion?

who have such emotional swing and cravings constantly?

emotional crush

oh well i knew it had been a while since i felt such deep emotion

but who knows it would comes at a cost

brainy

works well

excited for the end of this month!!! 

=)

it's like so soon when every single hours slips by

under pressure

everything counts

it's harsh. just deal with it. your problem is in fact not a problem.

uni
i don want to do this because i have to
i don want to do this because everyone else is doing it
i don want to do this because my parents say this is good
i am figuring it out

people
i am just me
i believe in who i am
i do what i think is right
i feel what i put my heart onto

career
i am doing something i love
i am earning money i need
i am going to afford my own living
i am not going to do things only under pressure

accept it
my life is perfect the way it is
i am always grateful
even if you don think it is a strong attribute
i love who i am.

"the more you know who you are and what you want,
the less you let things upset you."

i don't have to lost everything to be free to do anything.
i know it's a great deal to know this.

hey professor

seriously the day after david parker's class isn't helpful..
if not destructive...
oh gosh..
may help in the long run
but right now
just add to the mess
thank you so much

disconnected zone

sometimes i don't like all the things that is going on in my brain
those negative ones..
so i have to write it all out in the cyberspace..
it wouldn't make sense when i look back later..
but it feel if i don pour it out..
i'd just go insane..
deactivated my facebook right after i said i want to feel connected
guess what?
facebook doesn't make me feel so
oh well..
it's just a tool
complete shut down is good too..
gives me some comfort in my own zone..
that noone can break in..
=)
switched off my mobile again...
maybe IM soon..
concentration..
at least finish one thing before midnight??

please do wonders...

i lost
my concentration
AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!
damn it
has been like 4 hours in front of the same slide
just read it read it read it
=(
dismay....

i'm home

i sign in my IM all the time when I have my laptop on..
sometimes i got lonely but i just don't want to talk..
it just feel a little bit okay.. a little bit better..
to know that some people are around there..
i don't think this is how it functioned for everybody..
but it is somewhat my safety net..
i make phone calls all the time..
i messages those i love... even when i have nothing to talk about..
sometimes i just need voices.. responses..
it's a bit scary to get unconnected when you want someone..
a comfort when you have someone important always around..
connections...
filling my heart with all these people i love..
dangerous move
but i like it..

it's a bit quiet.. it's a bit dark.. it's a bit scary

Night in uni..
Halloween party was on..
and in the computer barn I stayed..
completing assignments...
worn out..
but no where near completion...
sign to go home
=)

i love you.

在爱里转圈圈

我好开心
因为好忙好忙
一大堆功课要做
是不是寂寞疯了
反正这就是我的疯狂
没人爱管

笑笑过一生
潇潇

so here is what my life right now like

while i was in uk: 

everything is pretty

i got time of my life

plenty of free time to do all the things i like

all things settled

and free to go around

eating so healthily cooking everyday at home

right now:

uni assignments and group assignments every week

three final uni exams

finding new place to stay again

uni fees

job and internship

flight ticket home delay delay delay

mummy call that should not be ignored 

i need to:

cook at home to eat healthily again

stop watching tv 

start yoga again 

find better inspiration for everyday living

happiness, the ones i treasure the most

talk to mummy because she always needs to know i'm okay.. so i need to be better than okay..

it's simple.

me. happy. one thing at a time. nothing more. nothing less. 

clear head and i would be great. 

=)

无意间 以前的旧照片 带来点点心痛

涂鸦涂鸦

超级感谢
未来的每一天
我都得忙得喘不过气

我可以过
没有上线的生活

不开心的日子消逝
只想努力生活
放肆地开心

寂寞很吵
我很安静

有点动摇的想窥探
可是我知道
我的心理还没准备好
所以还不可以
不可以

怎办呢
一层一层地
认真面对
真真的我

我埋头爱
我会抱你亲你说我爱你
所以我懂
我得先学会不想你不爱你
毕竟我还没认识你

和自己说好了
爱自己
我
幸福

那个消逝的午后

遇见一位过客
打开了心里千千结
只是因为
天时地利人和

因为
身在陌生国度
因为
你是陌生人
因为
在你面前我没有过去
因为
我没必要担心你会离开

开心
雀跃
在自导的戏里
欢笑过
哭泣过
狠心过
走过不曾走过的路
步步侵心
鸫

只是当时
一切都对

妈咪又说我变了 不再像以前那么叽喳爱说话 变静了

小時候，幸福是一件東西，得到了，就是幸福；
長大了，幸福是一個目標，達到 了，就是幸福；
成熟後，幸福是一種心態，領會了，就是幸福。


我只想 找回我领会了的幸福。。




来到伯斯和姐姐吃饭睡觉、照顾身体
听歌、写作业、看书、电视剧、谈天、写字
出门、照相、晒太阳、淋雨、待在家
我呀 过分幸福

 有很多种种 可以回想 可以幻想
可以期望 可以奢望
毕竟长大是一辈子的过程

there was a lot of times
i regretted that
i should have done this
i should have said that
i shouldn't have blabbed this
i shouldn't have wrote that
so i took the leap of faith
and live with no regrets
doing all the things i would
getting a grasps of all the actions i would take
seeing the world in the true sense
it at least
feels like living..

life is
a play
a roller coaster
a movie
a book
a bolster
with the best parts all coming unexpectedly

ups and downs
all true all honestly
feels so different
feels so good

是时候调整
曾经让人闯进的心
收拾心情
面对该认真的生活
毕竟关闭了多年的心好不容易打开了
真
要好好生活了
美美的
21

be happy

i'm happy that i know all the lines
i'm happy that i know i would know what i am doing
i am happy for all the things that i did
i am happy that i can be all good and awesome
i am happy and i need to know it.
embrace all the good things i do have
i know.

如果从来一次
i won't take a different move.
i'm sure.

and yes.
she doesn't know.
and shouted at my already shuddered pieces.
hold together.
because i can.

eat. shop.
no heart. no feelings.
no taste. no ginger.
songs replayed over and over.
to the silent ear.

shut down.

hey sis

i don want to eat
i don want to sleep
i don want to take care of myself.

but sometimes
life don give you options.
long lists of deadlines to meet
long lists of things to do and get over with
life is rolling
so shut up
because there is nothing called a break.

brainfreeze.

so you smile when your family is here.
so you say you are okay when you are not.
so you say everything is alright when you are falling apart.
so that you don attract attention.
so that you don give traces that you fall down.

it's a little while
they know you.
they still picked up when you don smile as brightly as you always do.
they noticed your silence when you used to talk all of the time.
they  knew. or so you hope.

just leave me a little while.
freeze.
and go back to being great.
after a while.
a while.

^my distorted brain is failing to write with flows^this is new^

其实我早知道

左边手背是为痛失姐姐的疤痕
那是悲痛的撞击
那么突然
那么惊扼

现在
我右边手背为了他留着痛哭的咬痕
为了苏醒而把自己摇醒的绝择
咬伤割伤烫伤

眼泪知道
单相思
陷得太甚
只能逃了
期望下一个你
不一样

took the risk to fall
took the risk to feel
my heart was once opened
despite all the insecurities from past
and the chances are
i had the best time in my life
and the best reasons to smile then

it takes time
when that is all i ever had
nothing more.
coming to this different city
all feels fresh again.
leaving all contacts possible
till i am sound again.

promise.

absolute closure.

don you just love growing up...

it's okay to cry yourself to bed anytime.
at three, you cry to bed when you got tired
at twenty one, you cry to bed when you are all worned out
it doesn't matter if the pain grows more intense.
you have the potential to adapt and accepts.
you can do anything you want to
especially when all things are quiet.
it intensifies.
you aches when your heart pacifies
you shudders when your heart turns cold
you swears when no other pains can distract your feelings
then you grow inwards
no it's not okay
but you don see other options.
you try to shove aside.
and don peek
don try
don do anything
no
nothing

nosedive to reality hurts
cupid failed to shoot him.
and i knew.
from the start.

when would you stop lying. it's not gonna get better. B)

mummy just said i am not me.
in like five seconds she saw me.
and i know.
by that it means i am not the one who came back all freshened up and bright
all happy and smiling all the time
the one who can take good care and stand up for herself
the one who think she can do anything everything without worries
i know.

i feel bad too
defeated
and i thought it gonna get better
but it just doesn't
and the cure to the problem
is just out of reach.

B)
my new emoticons which means i am faking a smile when my heart actually aches so much inside.

i wish you miss me like i miss you
like me like i do
like you like i do
and want to talk to me like how much i want to talk to you.

it's getting worse when i know i wish for something i can't have.
i can't think.
it's hard to accept that
you won't keep in touch because you don't care.
i'm just being obsessive.
B)

seriously half the study period is gone and i have no time to be so in pain..
if it can't go the other way, please please please grow up.
learn. forget. grow.
just something.
time heals.
4 months should be enough!
GET ON MY FEET
GET MY HEART BACK
REMEMBER THE STRONGER HEART
and BEATS FOR ME MYSELF AND I
there just gotta be some way to the right answer..

seriously... stop stop stop circling...
driving myself crazy doesn't help.
wake up.. september me..

you are smart, you are funny, you are real. at least to me this is more than enough.

there is a person
who can brighten up my day
every single moment
who can brings me up and down
using only his words at ease
and he is gone
not coming back
just like that
so i have to
find other means
to act like i am happy again
start by eating all the food i like
and this bring back 10% of the happiness
then i start going out with those friends i love
and this bring back another 10%
then i told my friend about you
i said i love all those places we went all those things we did all those words we said
and this bring back another 10%
then i start staying home to shut my mind
and watch movie and cuddle in my shell messing everything
and this bring back 10%
then i start listen to music
and this doesn't help
because every song i find a part of you
from cheerful to depressing to love to rock songs
then i start getting busy
with uni assignments and quizzes
and this bring back 10%
from taking my mind off from missing you to heartache
then i start fantasizing
everything would be okay
like soon
like now
like right now.
i miss you
like so much it's hard to bear
i miss you
because i used to think you treated me like something
i miss you
when i am totally free and point blank and when i am totally busy and slumped with work
i miss you
because i don't have to pretend and i don't care however you judge me
i miss you
because i love how we treated each other.
why is this not a something you want to keep.
why do you not care
when i love you so much.

maybe
i just don't deserve you
at all
not even a friendship
not even someone you met
someone you used to know

stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good

how can something that feel good
becomes something which hurts so much
how can someone who make me felt so good
became someone who hurts me when i thought of you
oh i know
because we don't have it
because there is no we
oh ya cupid
next time
please remember to shoot two instead of one
it's my first fall
so right now
i still believe all things can be great and everything's okay
at least
i can pretend
=)

Four Most Painful Moments in Life

1. Loving a friend who is avoiding you constantly without any reasons.
2. When a dear one suddenly stops responding you.
3. A friend calling you on your birthday but forgets to wish.
4. A person whom you never forget in life, He forgets you permanently.

it's not rocket science.
i am getting better.

if total recall is real.
may you be the best memory i ever had.
though how much i wish
i am not using past tense.

i have never heard silence quite this loud

=)
remember
i am awesome
i am cute
i am good
i can live on my own
i love i care i survive

it is the same feeling
isn't that complicated
time do flies fast because i don't have enough time to meet my deadlines everyday
and it felt dead long dead wrong because the unfulfilled and emptiness in my heart

i am good.
i am good.
and i can be more than good.


^^there is only one person who knows i'm almost a complete mess all this time..  thank you and love you for being around^^

i can i can i can do a lot of things

doing no good is bad

doing nothing is bad

not doing anything is bad

not doing something is bad

tired.

confusing piece of words

 got a problem
i dislike people
i mean
i don't know
i came back to adelaide
all lively and full of hope
and joy and happiness...
but living here for almost two months now
it's like all taken away..
like sucked out...

all the close friends i used to have in this city
LEFT
like one by one..
last year oct..
last year dec..
this year feb
this year april
you name it there is someone gone
so my phone list sucks
because they are not here anymore
so i treasure those who are left here
i really do
but i don't know
it's like missing parts
because i don't know what to trust anymore
like people
PEOPLE
PEOPLE
i miss you
like crazy
okay you
disappeared into nothing
just nothing
nothing

i needa meet new people
oh well they are everywhere
i just haven't have the motive to get a smile across my tired face
to say hi to get into a whole new hurrah of fun and joy and happiness
like normal people
okay i think i want to
just at this moment i don't have the right state of mind
you know how life has its ups and downs
it sucks
because i know i was in ecstasy a few months back
and if the downturn is the same magnitude
oh my
i hope this is the rock bottom

even i realise this all doesn't make any sense
why am i still writing
oh well these are just words right from my mind
:)
because i miss the time
when i said the words all right from my mind
and i don't have to pretend
because i might hurt or pissed anyone
and i don't have to keep anything to myself
because there weren't any troubles or worries
and all there was to do is fun
life as it is
not every day is a vacation
but the state of mind
is something i can control

as so i was told
my living in the moment attitude is reckless and worrisome and do no good
but at least i was happy at the time
because i donno now
when i live cautiously
when i talk what normal friends do
it is just not me
i don do that
i am not a good person that pretend that i love you i like you i miss you i know you
when i don't
i just do what i do best
i put emotions n feelings in daily.. most of the time..all the time
and when i stop doing it
i feel sadness creeping in
and i don't know how strong my heart is
to pretend that i don't care
like i can live
like this is how it should be
when i totally think it is not..........
waiting is a state of emptiness
because i don't know what the ending is gonna be
i miss you
like crazy
i want to tell you
i really do
and it is just easy
why do i care now
what you would reply
why
because i am scared
of what you would or would not reply
and yes i said i don't have any expectations
and i still don't
but just really
everything is in my subconscious state of mind
 that is just how i do things lately
because i admit
i can't think straight
i am not using my brain
like only a little bit
a teensy bit
:_(
what a waste right? :P

oh well going back to the state i hate myself like early of the year
i was so in love with me for quite  a long time this year
probably this time it would make a greater and better good
i love you
=)
wish you were here.

it doesn't take long to realise

there is something seriously wrong with me.
grip up
hold a breathe
chin up &
smile.

heart beats
for a reason
live
live
live.

like a lunatic

it's just unbelievable.
you are like the food i ate.
like the friends i had\
like the air i breathed
like the way i love them so much
like the way they comes and go
but i have to keep telling myself
i can learn to live without.
like i can
like i will
like i can
like i know how to
because this is people
people
just finding the way around
to turn to bend to suck out
all the things i can do
why the hell i just can't go and say hi
assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
days are like nights and like days

how do people

just forget 

and live on

i admire

because it is no easy task

the feelings

the bond

the ...

and it sucks

when i donno how to finish this sentence..

i want.........

:(

i gave out a piece of me

i freaking did

like never before

and it sucks

for the days now 

and i betrayed my heart

because that is what i really want to do

and it sucks sucks sucks sucks more

when i just dono what the fuck i am doing now

i hate you

for coming in

i hate you

for leaving out

i hate you 

for all the words you said

i hate you

for all the words you didn't say

i hate you

for all the things you did and not

i hate you

for everything

and i hate myself

for not regret in doing this

and let you swooping in and out

and all the bullshits my friend said 

how i can be in control of my emotions

and feelings

i hate that i don't hate you

not even a little bit

not even at all

i know, i trust, i believe, and hold on, always. =)

你知不知道心痛的滋味
你知不知道心冷的感觉
你懂不懂无助的默哀
你又懂不懂孤单的哀愁

回来了
应该是要更好的
可不知哪里搭错线

coming back home is supposed to be better
there comes the realisation
i am wasting a lot of my time
a lot of my life
doing things that is not making any impact in my own life
nor to the people i love
if possible
i have let myself to believe
i disappointed myself more
because of the higher expectation
of what i should be doing
i am already freaking twenty one
oh gosh that is a big number

i learnt
life is not about finding the right answer
i learnt
i have an live in the moment attitude
i learnt
i should hold on to my belief and what i stands for
because without those
life becomes a mess
because it's easy to get lost
in this world when you stands alone
all alone

it's my journey
the way i shape it
is going to change my behaviour and attitude
however hard it is
whatever it takes
believe
i am worth it
and i can do what i want.

'm going to come off rising =)

漫游地图

我们都在赛跑
看谁跑得比较远
看谁放手放的比较快
看谁先度过这一个煎熬
目标忽远忽近
时而清晰时而模糊
好像捉到了
却又突然溜走了

热爱旅行
又想买机票了
这次该玩几天呢

你呀
让我知道
静
真是个莫大的挑战
上周一
你可能心情不好吧
只是我坏
不搓
因为你
静
娃娃笑了
娃哈哈

social networking

no i don want to know what is your latest updates from facebook
i don want to know how are you by checking your facebook status
i don want to know how you doing by your popping check-ins
no i don want to know all these random shit that is none of my concerns

because if you want to let me know
you would talk to me
you would want to find me
you would chat with me
like a person
like anyone
when everyone is so easy to reach
facebook is really a waste of time
everything that i don want
because it is not a substitute for friends

and yeah i am still addicted to it.