People matters. Always.

I given up the right to think that I would have a long life when I was a teen. Was it giving up or being taken away? I guess most people take it for granted. This is just probably some sensitive issue that is not a good 'conversation' topic. Only people like me would even give a thought to something like this. Is there anyone else like me even? but I am okay with it. There is not right or wrong in thinking like this.. Not a good or bad thing either. It is a big part of my dark side. My dark and emotional side. I am living the plus side too of course. Being treasuring a lot of small and big things around me. Every event, every person, every moment. Living at its best. Love to the utmost. Passionate. Strong. Bitter. Sweet. It can be really easy in all things. Just take a switch of mind. When anything happens, it would start, get rough, smoothen, continue its cycle or just end. Like any relationship between people. Treat everything like a case. It takes a stronger and colder heart, when applying this to people. Not sure whether I can do this but this just pop into my head as I am writing. Strangers. We say hi. We say goodbye. We keep in touch. Relationship strengthens. Arguments and estranged. Get back in touch. Or just goodbyes and awkward catch up. It's the same for everybody. Every type of relationship. Be it passerby on the street, colleagues, friends, best friends, special ones, loved ones, family.. You know what it hurts the most? There are no forever in any relationship. We strive for one. Try hard to believe in one. Makes it happen. If you are lucky, you would get one.

I do believe in people. There are still hopes. I am not pessimistic in deceiving everyone I know or everyone out there. But things happen. Some out of control, some just out of human nature. Of course I hope that tomorrow we would still be in touch. Next month. Next year. The next decade. and I put in effort to make it happen. However you put it though, things change. Even if the people don't, circumstances do. Forever is a lost cause. We could try to build the relationship as long as we can. Though it all ends at some point. Years of relationship. It can just went up in smoke. And yes there is a forever goodbye. When the ones in your heart heart stop beating. Why do I put myself through this? Writing this is like recording my state of mind. At this age, in 2012, I know who I am and how I see people. I try to be the best I can be to people I meet. I believe the best in people and put my heart up. Admitting that I haven't been letting people in since teen was like a big realization. The day I met this one person something special happened. It was like a fairy whispering through a breeze. And I decide to let my walls come down. Thanks to a truthful friend to know that I had became more selfish. I start to know what I want to do what I want. Always been like that. Being me. And it turns to the better too. I had become nicer. Think and feel for the others.

Just let me grow. Test the water. Be however whatever wherever. Learn the lesson and I would know more. Putting myself out there. Grow and learn. Grow and learn. Be me. Remember. Be me. and be good.