life: study, work, eat, play, travel, family..

i am not that far away.. in fact.. i had never been away.. the ache is still there.. tossing me back and forth.. is this growing up? there are always questions that i can't answer.. and there are questions that i dare not to think about.. it's november.. frankly.. it doesn't matter that i don't get to see or contact or communicate with someone on my mind.. been there? another level of self absorption? i don't see how or when is this going to end.. it would?! i hope?! i don't even know what i want still.. when everything is just one-sided there is really nothing to be done.. i mean i miss you and i hope you know that..or not??  i do still try not to miss of you or have you jump into my thoughts when browsing around in my own hurrah.. what the hell am i doing?? i already know the answer such a long time ago.. i take the extra step to assure myself and push myself to accept it.. life rolls on and my feelings should have too.. i avoid the things that might trigger anything about you.. i don have any hopes or attempts in you.. avoiding this chapter for a freaking long time.. I WILL..