i can't even deny it. i guess i did really totally being me. oops ;0

肉食系戀人指數=70%

未來一段時間的你，你是相當肉食系的戀愛態度，甚至於是有點走花心路線的類型，因為你本身對於愛情的想法比較偏向在追求刺激和玩樂，談戀愛是走開心就好的路線，所以遇到喜歡的對象就會直接衝上前去跟對方示好。

態度直接的你如果遇上對方反應也很熱烈，那麼兩人間的發展就會很快速，而且你也不排斥一夜情之類的事，如果對方反應冷淡，你也不會非要這個人不可，會馬上轉向下一個對象發動攻勢，有點肉食系愛情玩家的路線呢！

寶劍三（正位）

對於你而言最好的愛情秘方是面對現實。

我們時常會在戀愛中美化好對方的行為
不過有些事情明顯就是不對勁，也許只是一段話語
也許只是一個小事情，但是像這樣的磨擦才是火線。

為了避免之後的日子裡你和他產生爆炸，到不如
在問題的一開始就立即解決。

些微的縱容是包容，長期的縱容就是默許了：(

不要為愛盲目了，愛情是為了讓自己活的好才是!

弥天大谎？！

如果你先认真你就输了。

如果能早点认识我就好了。

如果能不认识你就好了。

不可能的念头~如果我不能褪去杂质做到纯粹，我宁愿没有遇见你。~
还是幸福让我遇见了你。
还是感谢让没见过的我出现了。
一直在改变~ 
可是曾经留下的快乐
幸存没被时间冲走；
只是带了点后来涩涩的情感
却还掩不了对那旅程的思念。。

December, the last month in 2012. How would this journey be like? Excited and petrified. It would add up to a wonderful end for this best and fruitful year of my life. Anticipating. This year has been really really really great. Would be a lie if I say I don want it to last longer. Though times go on and I am just living every single moment of it. Making the best of it from myself. Commitments, responsibility, challenges. 

未知回忆

我真的不想心空空的

感觉少了很多很多

真的不能空着

因为胡思乱想很可怕

会把我卷进漩涡

很简单的事情会变得复杂

有原则的条理变得杂乱

答案说出来了却还在烦不知该怎办

不想填满的空洞

任由我妄想的自由

不愿受的压力

就听海底星会说什么吧

是时候 拿起肩膀

负担该承担的

别再自甘堕落吗?

这一次 

走了好久好久

却又像原地踏步

也是走了好远好远

时间却停住

生病时真的就知道

《累》

是会烙印在脑里的

因为太自我吧

不在乎的人事物多了

气愤、怨恨、不满等情绪都没了

只有满满的幸福和快乐

不好吗？

好像又该翻一翻

新的篇章

带点成熟的心吧

=首播= S.H.E 「像女孩的女人」官方完整MV HD

有时候 还是会生气
when people are stereotype and offensive
可是还不会马上回嘴让对方难堪
why did i keep quiet and let you displease me
好辛苦好累 可是还是在努力增进自己吧
as the catalyst, to become the better me, for the brighter future.
加油加油

project commencement

gonna start on a whole new professional journey!!! hyped!!!! this time, I'm doing it right. I'm doing it by myself. no distractions. whirly
wholly awesome.

eating fish congee at midnight when ice cream is not an option

canned corn kernels and baked beans are the best comfort food that bring back childhood memory readily available. I hardly had any when I'm abroad. even though they should be the same, it taste different when not eaten with family. my fried egg doesn't taste the same with those from daddy. fever caught up after an hour walk in the wind last night.. should learn this lesson.. it's bad to feel hot and cold while lying on the bed.. while I have two full day classes consecutively from tomorrow.. wish that I'll get better and holds on.

if only medicines are magical pills and take my sickness away. third time this year to get fever? :( I wasn't so prone to sickness before.. probably should get back to regular eat and sleep pattern..

空悲切

或许是知道纸包不住火

或许是寂寞难耐

今天和姐说了心烦的事

真的很感谢 

生命中有我爱的人和爱我的人

让我至少有个方向

迷路是为我点灯

今天最伤的点应该是从口中说出

这几十年来感觉都作错了

都没成就 好愧疚

可是

想想又不符我在这里之前所记下的心情

或许这是些日志的好处吧

伤心时记得我开心的理由

以往这种时候都在钻牛角尖

让伤心更伤心

觉得我对所有认识过的人都可有可无

就好像好没价值的一生

成绩单上又没多耀眼的成就

友情爱情亲情都没让人明了

怪自己吧

常常答案就在眼前却视若无睹

或晕了头不知所云

其实说说就会发现

真的

自己都知道该怎么做的

犯傻

不要让悲痛蒙蔽了双眼

不要让但却迷失了机会

抬头笑一笑今天是自己的

The way we choose to spend our time is habitual.

The way we see ourselves determine who we would become.

The way we see the problems would determine our achievements. 

Be wonderful. Like always. 

S.H.E - 記得要忘記

it bugs me a lot

I really hate it when you pinch my face. I'm telling you the next time I see you. no matter what. if not I just can't get over it.

what to wear for summer???

wo yi dian ye bu xiang ni
I am just tired and relentless from being sick. hot and cold. summer... please don burn my skin too much.. only a few hours out and I still feel pain on my back from the sunlight... ergh...  I wore a round neck tee and still burnt!! :'( not asking me to wear long johns right?? what should I add to my wardrobe :( such big question....ooooowh... delicate skin...
this look awesome

kthxbye

I'm really bad. doing things I don't like. lying to myself. all this while. there are really a lot of things better left unknown. and a lot of things we don need a reason. I am really a mess when not having a purpose or list of things to do.. have to jot down what I want done and write on my forehead.
this year, is really different.

find things to be busy.

channeling all my energy to more constructive activities. yeah my mind cannot afford to take any break.
butter croissants at this hour. i dont care.

food cravings

waiting three hours for coles to open at midnight to buy ice cream..
=)
i just want to eat i don't care.
just a sad thing i can't get it now..
pizza from pizza house...
fried noodles..
grilled chicken rice..
devour...
never ending list..
BUT
i need to find a new food buddy
:'(

sun rise and sun set

I miss the sun set at oia, greece.
it was so beautiful.
simple and great.
I havent seen a sun rise yet.
though I bet it's beautiful.
the glimpse from the window of my birmingham hostel just lack the majestic background.
I wish one day, I would see this beautiful thing.
simple wish.
I hope it would come true.
the beginning of the day,
the start of everything,
renewed.

Quiet

she left.
not like I haven't been here before.
noone to call at late nights.
noone to call out for impromptu meals.
noone to do stupid random things together.
challenge of not losing someone to distance and time.
just that this time instead of six months, we don have a time limit.
been here. done that.
every now and then.
felt my heart loses something.
and I would have to keep up
to be better and better.
it's true I think too much.
stop being like this.
straight.

it was a blank canvas.. and then..

you learn in this society, you don't and you can't always get what you want.

you have to fake a smile even when you are deeply hurt.

it is just that you have a ruler in your heart that whether this person or occasion is worth the effort. 

when you set yours lower, you get hurt easily.

people would take advantage of you. 

and you have to fake a smile to get through.

and act like no you ain't hurt or offended.

though deeply i just want to get away. run away. stay away. 

but running away isn't the way.

this is just how things is.

you learn to know yourself better

you learn to know your standards and boundaries

you build a wall to avoid getting hurt

you find ways to forget about the pain and betrayals

i find love and focus on them

i find happiness and immerse in them

all negatives are just rubbish when i have the overwhelming happiness

for now..

my power is only my attitude and my habit..

so finding the right thing to do.. the right people..

to strengthen my beliefs.. 

i love the people who are worth it. 

and i don't take you for granted.

because no one has the obligation to love anyone. 

my heart is still fragile.

but growing stronger. 

because of those i met.  

because of what i had been through.

it's tormenting

why do I allow people to do things that annoys me to me. why do I let her pinch my face touch my head or my shoulder when I really hate it. why do I not let my anger shown. I love her. I have my own boundaries. it's too much to expect others would treat you the way you treat the others. when i thought this kind of respect is the basic manners.

sometimes. I just feel terribly stupid. just by talking. either I express too much or I feel I dono much. yeah I'm. too much trust and innocence to believe human is a good creature.

anyway too much self inflicted pain lately. calling for absolute closure from now. draw a smile. courtesy to greet the morning.

life always has its answer

toughen up.. pushing and covering..
for the ones i love
and for those who love me.
to make it all worthwhile.
=)

growing with you

when I'm really really sad, I really really cry.. really really loud... and stop. when there is this wall, that noone else can understand... I just have to figure out the way to pull myself through. done it for years. of course I should do it for the next few decades. keeping a sadness is tormenting. when letting go is not an easy option. i just don feel right. and it is just not justified. to let my sorrow go. I love you.
I guess its true one can be trying to live better for herself and be nice to others at the same time. when you live not only for yourself. and it's for someone else. willingly. not for another's expectations but for someone else. you just try to be really really great. it's not easy. to turn the thoughts around but I do know. how would this person feels.
no there is no cure. even when you know millions of others lost someone they love too. because growing older is a phase for you. realising bigger loss become a part of you. taking up responsibilities would be controlling you. loosen up. for those who love unconditionally. it took years for acceptance. it took years for the grief. while growing up. just never end. till I meet you again.
maybe in a better place. maybe you are just moving on. I do too. but truth is. growing up. gets a bit  complicated. and I'm sorry. when I got depressed and down. every living moment counts. so I try to only think about. I love you.
why did I talk to people who couldn't care less. I feel bad showing people this side of me. you are private. and I need to live it to myself. stop.

bubble

I don like to feel like a complete failure. I'm not wise.. I make bad decisions and have to live with it. I'm not profound in big matters. I have too many things that I have not learnt. I live in a sheltered bubble that seems too protected to others. I'm not prone to the things they been through or the story they lived. I'm not proud of it but my innocence comes from the life I led. I am healing the broken pieces. and ignorant to your messed society. no I don speak your language. but why would you want to?

担担当个孩子的责任

櫻桃小丸子驚點語錄

或許是因為一份學業，因為一份工作，因為一段愛情，我們離開了爸爸媽媽，去了一座別的城市。一個人在外面，很不容易，沒啥，拼得就是堅強！

我并不是坚强
只是不敢面对的压力
颇大
我知道我的想法很自私
毕竟我是倍受爱护的
对不起辜负了你们
居然没有多虑你们的担心
真的对不起
错得好深...
我不梦了...
你说不该做的事
就不想了吧
因为再让你担心
也太不孝了吧
我真的
在加倍地爱你们
i bit my lips
because i am not sure
if you would know that. 
i really really hope you can feel it. 
i am really really thankful.
for all the things that i have been through.
every single words you said. 
every road you led me to. 
every decision i learnt to make.
i love you. 
forever and always. 

Pressure cooker

I am just not sure how valuable my cert is.
Future full of doubts.
but that's the challenge that makes life worthwhile.
and if everything is only about my future career,
that's just not true.
lucky for me.
there are more things that i care for.

there is just one topic.
that would break me.
that I shouldn't touch.
i know i need to shout out the words sometime.
and i should really not burden or let my vulnerability shown.
trying hard.
but sometime the bubble would burst.
and i cry out loud in front of the ones i don't want to hurt the most.
i feel sorry for crying in front of you.
i really am.
i am really still the very well cared girl you raised.
i love you.
sorry sorry sorry.

People matters. Always.

I given up the right to think that I would have a long life when I was a teen. Was it giving up or being taken away? I guess most people take it for granted. This is just probably some sensitive issue that is not a good 'conversation' topic. Only people like me would even give a thought to something like this. Is there anyone else like me even? but I am okay with it. There is not right or wrong in thinking like this.. Not a good or bad thing either. It is a big part of my dark side. My dark and emotional side. I am living the plus side too of course. Being treasuring a lot of small and big things around me. Every event, every person, every moment. Living at its best. Love to the utmost. Passionate. Strong. Bitter. Sweet. It can be really easy in all things. Just take a switch of mind. When anything happens, it would start, get rough, smoothen, continue its cycle or just end. Like any relationship between people. Treat everything like a case. It takes a stronger and colder heart, when applying this to people. Not sure whether I can do this but this just pop into my head as I am writing. Strangers. We say hi. We say goodbye. We keep in touch. Relationship strengthens. Arguments and estranged. Get back in touch. Or just goodbyes and awkward catch up. It's the same for everybody. Every type of relationship. Be it passerby on the street, colleagues, friends, best friends, special ones, loved ones, family.. You know what it hurts the most? There are no forever in any relationship. We strive for one. Try hard to believe in one. Makes it happen. If you are lucky, you would get one.

I do believe in people. There are still hopes. I am not pessimistic in deceiving everyone I know or everyone out there. But things happen. Some out of control, some just out of human nature. Of course I hope that tomorrow we would still be in touch. Next month. Next year. The next decade. and I put in effort to make it happen. However you put it though, things change. Even if the people don't, circumstances do. Forever is a lost cause. We could try to build the relationship as long as we can. Though it all ends at some point. Years of relationship. It can just went up in smoke. And yes there is a forever goodbye. When the ones in your heart heart stop beating. Why do I put myself through this? Writing this is like recording my state of mind. At this age, in 2012, I know who I am and how I see people. I try to be the best I can be to people I meet. I believe the best in people and put my heart up. Admitting that I haven't been letting people in since teen was like a big realization. The day I met this one person something special happened. It was like a fairy whispering through a breeze. And I decide to let my walls come down. Thanks to a truthful friend to know that I had became more selfish. I start to know what I want to do what I want. Always been like that. Being me. And it turns to the better too. I had become nicer. Think and feel for the others.

Just let me grow. Test the water. Be however whatever wherever. Learn the lesson and I would know more. Putting myself out there. Grow and learn. Grow and learn. Be me. Remember. Be me. and be good.

Every step we take is creating memories

Only the present matters.
Because nobody knows what will happen to anyone tomorrow.
We don't say the things we feel.
We stay strong because words bring tears.
We hold back and wish for the best.
Life takes its toll and this time would always come.
What we have developed is really precious and beautiful.
Love and care no one else like you.
Best thing in my life.
Even when we do not know when is tomorrow.
Focus on present.
We have had it all.
Every single moment counts.
Beautiful things.
When I let people in.
Good times bad times.
Take it all in.
With open arms.
Love you with all my heart.
And I would cry my heart heart out.
You know I do the extremes.
Hurting me is easy.
but only those who know me best know the right way to lighten me.
You have it all.
Now.
Every part of me shudders.
Treasure.
You ain't an easy thing to come by.
Dare not think about the future.
Fear would consume me.

because i am me.

me. being me. tired of being me. really really tired.
knowing what i want.
not getting what i want.
is a process.
i need to get through.
my heart is pounding.
it felt endless.
the world spins..
my head aches..
i .. deal with it..
dismay..
but i have to live with it..

you are my best feeling

it's a risk to play
there is a cost
there always is
for the happiness
flashbacks
at least it was sweet
just choose a bad time
i am having exams
please just get out of my head
it was a wise decision
grrrrrggghhhh
remember... it's a happy talent to know how to play ^^

i am bored...
3 more nights and done for a while~
seriously
how long do i have to wait for the freaking call centre to attend to my call!






=_=

:'( i'm tired of all these negatives that is clouding my mind.

what can stop me from freaking out and crying into distress?
tired
and nothing seems to clear my head
i need a clear mind to write in my exam
i need to focus
i need to focus
on one thing at a time
i need to focus
and i can shine
i can kill the paper
is not hard
i am ready for it
i just don't have to panic
i don't need to be nervous
just be calm
just have a good night sleep
i have done enough
i have being better prepared than any other papers in my life
i am doing what i am good at
i can write
i am a brilliant exam taker
i hope i am as good as i dream of.
what takes a person to do things that she believes in?
just do it.
my heart is strong enough
my brain has worked enough
talking on the phone isn't helping
i just need to cheer up
and do what i normally do
have the right state of mind

i am not crying over spilled beans
i just have to focus on what have to be done need to be done left to be finished
rolls on.

i hope a good night sleep is all i need
aka fighting.

I HATE IT WHEN ALL JOKES FAIL TO CHEER ME UP!!
LIGHTEN THE MOOD MIRACULOUSLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PICK MYSELF UP aarrrggghhhhhh... why am i like in this wreck state?

又累了

好烦呐
真的
money money money
why am i the kind
who spent and regret
who spent and thought twice about it after
didn't think enough before my actions..
:'(
always always
just get frustration the hour after i feel i did something wrong
or just small small matters
which i won't give a shit later
for sure
since i have got so many urgent and more important matter right now
such as study..
rather than dealing with this overheated brain all the while
it is just the momentaneous rage over myself
that annoys the most

The Script - Six Degrees Of Separation

he is so so so talented!!! he is so powerful in all of his songs!! and in the voice his performance is so so awesome!!! such powerful voice from a person!! DANNY IS SO GREAT!!!! and of course THE SCRIPT!!!
my latest fascination <3

you are just someone special.. that's all i know..

oh well.. so now a new decision.. probably not the best or even for the better but maybe it is good for now..

since i have the ability to forget what i want, what i did, so instead of the period i suffered most, which i already can't quite recall other than a blurry memory or maybe non-existant now.. i am gonna forget the night that i drank a lot and come home and do the thing that i wanted to. just the entire night. okay and those days. that's it. maybe it would be better? =) i am still a good person right. i don't even know whether we are still friends? or just someone you knew.
urgh.. forget it.. i just go and see what stupid thing did i said that night.. hahahaha only like two lines and yeah i left no room anymore.. i am just THAT ****** **.... i really really do a lot of things without bothering with consequences.. and yes i hate that i have to live with it now.. T_T why did i do this to myself? ohmigosh...... i don want to drink when i am very sad anymore...
:'( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghh


我想念那舒适的感觉
我做了让我以后不会遗憾的事
可能后悔
可是没有遗憾
我想念 真 真 真

life: study, work, eat, play, travel, family..

i am not that far away.. in fact.. i had never been away.. the ache is still there.. tossing me back and forth.. is this growing up? there are always questions that i can't answer.. and there are questions that i dare not to think about.. it's november.. frankly.. it doesn't matter that i don't get to see or contact or communicate with someone on my mind.. been there? another level of self absorption? i don't see how or when is this going to end.. it would?! i hope?! i don't even know what i want still.. when everything is just one-sided there is really nothing to be done.. i mean i miss you and i hope you know that..or not??  i do still try not to miss of you or have you jump into my thoughts when browsing around in my own hurrah.. what the hell am i doing?? i already know the answer such a long time ago.. i take the extra step to assure myself and push myself to accept it.. life rolls on and my feelings should have too.. i avoid the things that might trigger anything about you.. i don have any hopes or attempts in you.. avoiding this chapter for a freaking long time.. I WILL..

is it november?

we all get into troubles for not listening to advice..
even though i absolutely love and enjoy every moments of my life
please wake me up again when November ends... and start the new challenges of December with strength
time really really flies.. =(