so here is what my life right now like

while i was in uk: 

everything is pretty

i got time of my life

plenty of free time to do all the things i like

all things settled

and free to go around

eating so healthily cooking everyday at home

right now:

uni assignments and group assignments every week

three final uni exams

finding new place to stay again

uni fees

job and internship

flight ticket home delay delay delay

mummy call that should not be ignored 

i need to:

cook at home to eat healthily again

stop watching tv 

start yoga again 

find better inspiration for everyday living

happiness, the ones i treasure the most

talk to mummy because she always needs to know i'm okay.. so i need to be better than okay..

it's simple.

me. happy. one thing at a time. nothing more. nothing less. 

clear head and i would be great. 

=)

无意间 以前的旧照片 带来点点心痛

涂鸦涂鸦

超级感谢
未来的每一天
我都得忙得喘不过气

我可以过
没有上线的生活

不开心的日子消逝
只想努力生活
放肆地开心

寂寞很吵
我很安静

有点动摇的想窥探
可是我知道
我的心理还没准备好
所以还不可以
不可以

怎办呢
一层一层地
认真面对
真真的我

我埋头爱
我会抱你亲你说我爱你
所以我懂
我得先学会不想你不爱你
毕竟我还没认识你

和自己说好了
爱自己
我
幸福

那个消逝的午后

遇见一位过客
打开了心里千千结
只是因为
天时地利人和

因为
身在陌生国度
因为
你是陌生人
因为
在你面前我没有过去
因为
我没必要担心你会离开

开心
雀跃
在自导的戏里
欢笑过
哭泣过
狠心过
走过不曾走过的路
步步侵心
鸫

只是当时
一切都对

妈咪又说我变了 不再像以前那么叽喳爱说话 变静了

小時候，幸福是一件東西，得到了，就是幸福；
長大了，幸福是一個目標，達到 了，就是幸福；
成熟後，幸福是一種心態，領會了，就是幸福。


我只想 找回我领会了的幸福。。




来到伯斯和姐姐吃饭睡觉、照顾身体
听歌、写作业、看书、电视剧、谈天、写字
出门、照相、晒太阳、淋雨、待在家
我呀 过分幸福

 有很多种种 可以回想 可以幻想
可以期望 可以奢望
毕竟长大是一辈子的过程

there was a lot of times
i regretted that
i should have done this
i should have said that
i shouldn't have blabbed this
i shouldn't have wrote that
so i took the leap of faith
and live with no regrets
doing all the things i would
getting a grasps of all the actions i would take
seeing the world in the true sense
it at least
feels like living..

life is
a play
a roller coaster
a movie
a book
a bolster
with the best parts all coming unexpectedly

ups and downs
all true all honestly
feels so different
feels so good

是时候调整
曾经让人闯进的心
收拾心情
面对该认真的生活
毕竟关闭了多年的心好不容易打开了
真
要好好生活了
美美的
21

be happy

i'm happy that i know all the lines
i'm happy that i know i would know what i am doing
i am happy for all the things that i did
i am happy that i can be all good and awesome
i am happy and i need to know it.
embrace all the good things i do have
i know.

如果从来一次
i won't take a different move.
i'm sure.

and yes.
she doesn't know.
and shouted at my already shuddered pieces.
hold together.
because i can.

eat. shop.
no heart. no feelings.
no taste. no ginger.
songs replayed over and over.
to the silent ear.

shut down.

hey sis

i don want to eat
i don want to sleep
i don want to take care of myself.

but sometimes
life don give you options.
long lists of deadlines to meet
long lists of things to do and get over with
life is rolling
so shut up
because there is nothing called a break.

brainfreeze.

so you smile when your family is here.
so you say you are okay when you are not.
so you say everything is alright when you are falling apart.
so that you don attract attention.
so that you don give traces that you fall down.

it's a little while
they know you.
they still picked up when you don smile as brightly as you always do.
they noticed your silence when you used to talk all of the time.
they  knew. or so you hope.

just leave me a little while.
freeze.
and go back to being great.
after a while.
a while.

^my distorted brain is failing to write with flows^this is new^

其实我早知道

左边手背是为痛失姐姐的疤痕
那是悲痛的撞击
那么突然
那么惊扼

现在
我右边手背为了他留着痛哭的咬痕
为了苏醒而把自己摇醒的绝择
咬伤割伤烫伤

眼泪知道
单相思
陷得太甚
只能逃了
期望下一个你
不一样

took the risk to fall
took the risk to feel
my heart was once opened
despite all the insecurities from past
and the chances are
i had the best time in my life
and the best reasons to smile then

it takes time
when that is all i ever had
nothing more.
coming to this different city
all feels fresh again.
leaving all contacts possible
till i am sound again.

promise.

absolute closure.

don you just love growing up...

it's okay to cry yourself to bed anytime.
at three, you cry to bed when you got tired
at twenty one, you cry to bed when you are all worned out
it doesn't matter if the pain grows more intense.
you have the potential to adapt and accepts.
you can do anything you want to
especially when all things are quiet.
it intensifies.
you aches when your heart pacifies
you shudders when your heart turns cold
you swears when no other pains can distract your feelings
then you grow inwards
no it's not okay
but you don see other options.
you try to shove aside.
and don peek
don try
don do anything
no
nothing

nosedive to reality hurts
cupid failed to shoot him.
and i knew.
from the start.

when would you stop lying. it's not gonna get better. B)

mummy just said i am not me.
in like five seconds she saw me.
and i know.
by that it means i am not the one who came back all freshened up and bright
all happy and smiling all the time
the one who can take good care and stand up for herself
the one who think she can do anything everything without worries
i know.

i feel bad too
defeated
and i thought it gonna get better
but it just doesn't
and the cure to the problem
is just out of reach.

B)
my new emoticons which means i am faking a smile when my heart actually aches so much inside.

i wish you miss me like i miss you
like me like i do
like you like i do
and want to talk to me like how much i want to talk to you.

it's getting worse when i know i wish for something i can't have.
i can't think.
it's hard to accept that
you won't keep in touch because you don't care.
i'm just being obsessive.
B)

seriously half the study period is gone and i have no time to be so in pain..
if it can't go the other way, please please please grow up.
learn. forget. grow.
just something.
time heals.
4 months should be enough!
GET ON MY FEET
GET MY HEART BACK
REMEMBER THE STRONGER HEART
and BEATS FOR ME MYSELF AND I
there just gotta be some way to the right answer..

seriously... stop stop stop circling...
driving myself crazy doesn't help.
wake up.. september me..

you are smart, you are funny, you are real. at least to me this is more than enough.

there is a person
who can brighten up my day
every single moment
who can brings me up and down
using only his words at ease
and he is gone
not coming back
just like that
so i have to
find other means
to act like i am happy again
start by eating all the food i like
and this bring back 10% of the happiness
then i start going out with those friends i love
and this bring back another 10%
then i told my friend about you
i said i love all those places we went all those things we did all those words we said
and this bring back another 10%
then i start staying home to shut my mind
and watch movie and cuddle in my shell messing everything
and this bring back 10%
then i start listen to music
and this doesn't help
because every song i find a part of you
from cheerful to depressing to love to rock songs
then i start getting busy
with uni assignments and quizzes
and this bring back 10%
from taking my mind off from missing you to heartache
then i start fantasizing
everything would be okay
like soon
like now
like right now.
i miss you
like so much it's hard to bear
i miss you
because i used to think you treated me like something
i miss you
when i am totally free and point blank and when i am totally busy and slumped with work
i miss you
because i don't have to pretend and i don't care however you judge me
i miss you
because i love how we treated each other.
why is this not a something you want to keep.
why do you not care
when i love you so much.

maybe
i just don't deserve you
at all
not even a friendship
not even someone you met
someone you used to know

stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good

how can something that feel good
becomes something which hurts so much
how can someone who make me felt so good
became someone who hurts me when i thought of you
oh i know
because we don't have it
because there is no we
oh ya cupid
next time
please remember to shoot two instead of one
it's my first fall
so right now
i still believe all things can be great and everything's okay
at least
i can pretend
=)

Four Most Painful Moments in Life

1. Loving a friend who is avoiding you constantly without any reasons.
2. When a dear one suddenly stops responding you.
3. A friend calling you on your birthday but forgets to wish.
4. A person whom you never forget in life, He forgets you permanently.

it's not rocket science.
i am getting better.

if total recall is real.
may you be the best memory i ever had.
though how much i wish
i am not using past tense.

i have never heard silence quite this loud

=)
remember
i am awesome
i am cute
i am good
i can live on my own
i love i care i survive

it is the same feeling
isn't that complicated
time do flies fast because i don't have enough time to meet my deadlines everyday
and it felt dead long dead wrong because the unfulfilled and emptiness in my heart

i am good.
i am good.
and i can be more than good.


^^there is only one person who knows i'm almost a complete mess all this time..  thank you and love you for being around^^

i can i can i can do a lot of things

doing no good is bad

doing nothing is bad

not doing anything is bad

not doing something is bad

tired.

confusing piece of words

 got a problem
i dislike people
i mean
i don't know
i came back to adelaide
all lively and full of hope
and joy and happiness...
but living here for almost two months now
it's like all taken away..
like sucked out...

all the close friends i used to have in this city
LEFT
like one by one..
last year oct..
last year dec..
this year feb
this year april
you name it there is someone gone
so my phone list sucks
because they are not here anymore
so i treasure those who are left here
i really do
but i don't know
it's like missing parts
because i don't know what to trust anymore
like people
PEOPLE
PEOPLE
i miss you
like crazy
okay you
disappeared into nothing
just nothing
nothing

i needa meet new people
oh well they are everywhere
i just haven't have the motive to get a smile across my tired face
to say hi to get into a whole new hurrah of fun and joy and happiness
like normal people
okay i think i want to
just at this moment i don't have the right state of mind
you know how life has its ups and downs
it sucks
because i know i was in ecstasy a few months back
and if the downturn is the same magnitude
oh my
i hope this is the rock bottom

even i realise this all doesn't make any sense
why am i still writing
oh well these are just words right from my mind
:)
because i miss the time
when i said the words all right from my mind
and i don't have to pretend
because i might hurt or pissed anyone
and i don't have to keep anything to myself
because there weren't any troubles or worries
and all there was to do is fun
life as it is
not every day is a vacation
but the state of mind
is something i can control

as so i was told
my living in the moment attitude is reckless and worrisome and do no good
but at least i was happy at the time
because i donno now
when i live cautiously
when i talk what normal friends do
it is just not me
i don do that
i am not a good person that pretend that i love you i like you i miss you i know you
when i don't
i just do what i do best
i put emotions n feelings in daily.. most of the time..all the time
and when i stop doing it
i feel sadness creeping in
and i don't know how strong my heart is
to pretend that i don't care
like i can live
like this is how it should be
when i totally think it is not..........
waiting is a state of emptiness
because i don't know what the ending is gonna be
i miss you
like crazy
i want to tell you
i really do
and it is just easy
why do i care now
what you would reply
why
because i am scared
of what you would or would not reply
and yes i said i don't have any expectations
and i still don't
but just really
everything is in my subconscious state of mind
 that is just how i do things lately
because i admit
i can't think straight
i am not using my brain
like only a little bit
a teensy bit
:_(
what a waste right? :P

oh well going back to the state i hate myself like early of the year
i was so in love with me for quite  a long time this year
probably this time it would make a greater and better good
i love you
=)
wish you were here.

it doesn't take long to realise

there is something seriously wrong with me.
grip up
hold a breathe
chin up &
smile.

heart beats
for a reason
live
live
live.

like a lunatic

it's just unbelievable.
you are like the food i ate.
like the friends i had\
like the air i breathed
like the way i love them so much
like the way they comes and go
but i have to keep telling myself
i can learn to live without.
like i can
like i will
like i can
like i know how to
because this is people
people
just finding the way around
to turn to bend to suck out
all the things i can do
why the hell i just can't go and say hi
assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
days are like nights and like days

how do people

just forget 

and live on

i admire

because it is no easy task

the feelings

the bond

the ...

and it sucks

when i donno how to finish this sentence..

i want.........

:(

i gave out a piece of me

i freaking did

like never before

and it sucks

for the days now 

and i betrayed my heart

because that is what i really want to do

and it sucks sucks sucks sucks more

when i just dono what the fuck i am doing now

i hate you

for coming in

i hate you

for leaving out

i hate you 

for all the words you said

i hate you

for all the words you didn't say

i hate you

for all the things you did and not

i hate you

for everything

and i hate myself

for not regret in doing this

and let you swooping in and out

and all the bullshits my friend said 

how i can be in control of my emotions

and feelings

i hate that i don't hate you

not even a little bit

not even at all

i know, i trust, i believe, and hold on, always. =)

你知不知道心痛的滋味
你知不知道心冷的感觉
你懂不懂无助的默哀
你又懂不懂孤单的哀愁

回来了
应该是要更好的
可不知哪里搭错线

coming back home is supposed to be better
there comes the realisation
i am wasting a lot of my time
a lot of my life
doing things that is not making any impact in my own life
nor to the people i love
if possible
i have let myself to believe
i disappointed myself more
because of the higher expectation
of what i should be doing
i am already freaking twenty one
oh gosh that is a big number

i learnt
life is not about finding the right answer
i learnt
i have an live in the moment attitude
i learnt
i should hold on to my belief and what i stands for
because without those
life becomes a mess
because it's easy to get lost
in this world when you stands alone
all alone

it's my journey
the way i shape it
is going to change my behaviour and attitude
however hard it is
whatever it takes
believe
i am worth it
and i can do what i want.

'm going to come off rising =)

漫游地图

我们都在赛跑
看谁跑得比较远
看谁放手放的比较快
看谁先度过这一个煎熬
目标忽远忽近
时而清晰时而模糊
好像捉到了
却又突然溜走了

热爱旅行
又想买机票了
这次该玩几天呢

你呀
让我知道
静
真是个莫大的挑战
上周一
你可能心情不好吧
只是我坏
不搓
因为你
静
娃娃笑了
娃哈哈

social networking

no i don want to know what is your latest updates from facebook
i don want to know how are you by checking your facebook status
i don want to know how you doing by your popping check-ins
no i don want to know all these random shit that is none of my concerns

because if you want to let me know
you would talk to me
you would want to find me
you would chat with me
like a person
like anyone
when everyone is so easy to reach
facebook is really a waste of time
everything that i don want
because it is not a substitute for friends

and yeah i am still addicted to it.

You don't know

how's it like
between the overwhelming work
in between all the troubles
you are still there
sometimes i thought i put you behind me
but truly it's just at the back of my mind

because i don know anymore
whether it's okay for me
to act like before
to talk like before
because that's just what i do

it sucks
when you are the only one i'm comfortable to spend time on
and i can't go and poke you
and it hurts again
when you don't care to find me
oh well
this is what normal friends do
that is if you still treat me as one

focus on the great things in life,
iris.

I see Sparks Fly whenever you~~~ smile :)

Don't Give Up - Auburn (Lyrics)

Life Focus

I didn't get lost. I just change and grow. 

Judge however you like.

I don't know what I am going to do. 

I always don't. 

I am learning something I don't have a clue of. 

And I'm quite sure I couldn't lay hand on any job here. 

And I'm getting frustrated with learning the statistics.

If this is all I need to do in the future, 

I kind of know that I zoned out.

I switched off my mind even though I tried hard to concentrate.

Statistics.

Do me a favour.

Let me conquer you this month.

And I would decide.

Breaking point. 

总是最巧的时候听到我的心声

你有没有像我一样
开了你的视窗一遍又一遍
没说话又关了
慢慢习惯了
不要想你的日子
=)