Facebook addiction

Wow. Recognising it has taken up way too much of my life, I need to gain back my control and time. I have been doing useless stuff on it and it is totally counter productive. I am not going on the website on my mobile devices anymore. I am limiting my time onto only when I use laptop but I will be mindful of my time on it because I need to do a lot more productive activities on the laptop. It is just mindless browsing but I miss it so much only putting it hours away from me. It is out of the way to switch on my laptop past midnight and I am determined to cure this. There is nothing important on there really. Head on addiction. 

I haven't seen thunder and lightning for so long it scared me. 37℃ and thunderstorms the whole week. +.+

一辈子很长很长

有些人有些事 

会难过一辈子很长很长

心有千千结

揭开了就行了

若不能自己定生于死

那发生在之间的事

至少要自己定

This is freaking hard

Just cry and die

I know it has been an amazing year picking myself up.

The view has turned from negative to zero to zero to positive.

It was an amazing route.

It is so so so so hard to focus on the positive.

But this is what makes it precious.

Sad songs have its audience,

But be happy because life is short,

Appreciate everything that we have,

I love him always for waking me up.

Maybe too much.

He knows it.

I am just blessed to know him,

To have reborned and face the world again,

There is just so much to do.

Focus and preservers

Have. Clear map of who I want to become.

An advocate for the hopeless.

An advocate for the hopeful

Bring hopes and loves to all the ends of the world.

Life is well worth living.

Do not give up.

青春是场豪赌

爱得那么真那么炽热
那么多首歌
瞬间懂得个中滋味
可是那么摸棱两可
那么不愿意跳过那翻墙
只能教会自己放手
继续期待 等待
时间和缘分 会为我们而来
相信 真 善 美
爱你爱你也爱自己
爱在一起

Facebook

It is not pretty rainbow everywhere. 

There aren't sunshine everyday.

So I smile at all the stupid little things I do.

Life has too much uncertainty and never have anyone taught me so much. 

I write plenty of stories for people but yours had it rough. 

It was dangerous and I thank you for the ride.

Your pages would remain in my book,

For as long as it can stay.

Little people little stories. xoxo.

超幸福的我想跟你對不起 你我都有錯滴 #搖搖搖 #我在幹嘛 #時間太貴啦 #放下放下靠自己 #我肯定不是第一个 #豬頭好朋友 #太愛你 #你唉太多了 #男生果然不會攤開來講 #是誰講全部東西很簡單 #逼我長大那我也逼你長大 #24 #從來都是一個人很好 #你着急我着火 #毁了我有盡力了 #是不是信息比較好 #你不回那我咋辦 #算了吧反正新年新希望 #😭為啥不夠豁達 #和你交朋友就要談這些事 #試過太多定位啦 #刪除鍵無效 #討厭你失效 #喜歡你當機 #就大咧咧愛你吧  #我要婚宴請柬 #友愛沒那麼深過 #是被你嚇走的 I was differentiating gratitude and love. Then maybe should switch to Chinese thinking.  Then Malaysian thinking. Yes it took so long. Yes my brain work this way.  #ihategrey #messedupplatonic #youstartedtheambiguity  #ihatehowtiringbeingyourfriend #itwasworsebeingstranger #lifetooshort #ifthisdoesntwork #atleastitried

I had to guess the Malaysian thinking because it was too long ago and it was new and it was fun. And then I asked my friends and everyone told me I wasn't overthinking. But I had to tell myself there is two sides of the story. After a while everyone around me deemed it is just hurting me and my growth but I trusted you so much. Unbelievable. #iwentawayfirstinstancebecauseofyou #whatthehellwasyoucomingbackbecauseofme #iwantedtoreturnforyousincedayone #NofurtherstorySoifindexcusesforyou #ineverthoughtofyouflyingback #whydidiwenttoyourcity #whyaminotintroducedtoyourgirlfriend #WhythepuppyWHY #whyemotionalleakage #yousoundedlikeyouhaveaproblemnobodycanhelp #iwishyouallthebestinit  #iamreallysimpleyouscaredme #youchanged #MORALITY You didn't explained further you didn't need to. I am a good friend and I trust and respect you. But you messed up my mind too much for too long. I owned up to it now that I have served my time. #wearenottravellingtogether  #younevercalled #worsttextingbuddy #youbastardkepttoomanysecrets  #itsnotimportantanymore  #MORALITY #ididnttakephotosforminimalmemories #Whydidyouwakemeforlifepartner #whateverthankyou #itshumannature 

Welcoming a new year with a new heart. It was a pretty scenery. Social cues warned me I might be pestering you but I am doing this for myself. I am a girl I need this. Wahahaha my closure. I need growth. Lets pray I won't delete this too soon. Yes I trust morality love and social norms. #clearingsocialdebts #toomanybiglifedecisions #changeisforthebetter #lifelearner #blessings #greatfriendscrossmountains #MORALITY

I spent the year hating myself. #morality I never think less of you in relationship matters. In hurting people. But you did. I am thankful but I can't forget you. I have no right to your status but I can't blame you. I am listing your faults but I can't hate you. And I don't make mistake with taken man so much it shattered me. It doesn't even hurt that much you disliked me. I knew I was in deep trouble missing you the most. You stole my Adelaide. This kind of bonding. Hell of a ride. 

#trustnomore #everymanforhimself #wallisgood

Never hold a man to his words. He isn't worth it no matter how great he was. He doesn't have the courage to owned up he is not worth it. Be confident my girl. Live a merry life. You are responsible for your own life. you are a star and will live a great life. 

我好想那个好朋友 那个我为了他离开的好朋友 那个让我不知道怎么办的好朋友 那个决定跟我保持距离的好朋友 那个让我错得离谱的好朋友 那个我很爱的好朋友 那个不擅沟通却抓住我心的好朋友 那个教了我好多的好朋友 因为我爱你很深 你回来吓死我了 你不说我说 我是很珍惜我们的缘分的 我是很真心的 不悦是真的 因为你的处理是真糟糕的 轻描淡写说感情是很简单的 你又怎么这样呢 男人哪 说话可真别当回事 这情分能说断就断 呵

我知道我为爱很勇敢很坚强 很真 我的道德感的强烈 很美 我情愿这是场单恋 很悲 如果是一场没有如果的如果 男人口说无蓝 真的别执着 没有越过那坎 就去别村吧 =) 天下好男人很多很多 反正这场人生历练是早有预感的劫难 #摇摇摇 

You had been a major distraction for the whole 2014. I am able to shut you off. I will love you like I love life, like I love everyone that had made into my life thus far. I know I am not ready for the next heartbreak. Though I had walked through one anyhow. I had to grow extra length of nerves to belittle you. To think that guys are easy looking for affairs, are not respectful of feelings, are just playing the field until looking to settle down. Just empty reasons to forgo. To let go. To remember the moments that are not right. To put a smile back to my heart. Just a mistake. And forgiving myself, with such pricey settlement. Cheers. You effing wake me up from something I suppressed for a long while. But this year, I gaining back my focus and compartmentalization. Your column shall remain shut. 

Get over you.

1. I will get over you because you are not the right guy.
2. I will get over you because you hurt me.
3. I will get over you because I couldn't accept it.
4. I will get over you because it was my mistake.
5. I will get over you because it wouldn't work or last.

他不值得不值得不值得

I deserve better. 

I deserve better doing for my time. 

I deserve better doing for my words. 

I deserve better doing for my learnings.

I deserve better doing for my work and efforts. 

I deserve to love, trust and respect. 

WITH MY PERSON. 

身体很热 睡不着

回忆太多 太可怕

以决定照顾自己

不要得过且过

已经非常糟糕

日子很难过

别疼惜 别掉进回忆漩涡

曾经男孩对我说 生活很简单 别想得太复杂

曾经女孩对我说 一个人那么坚强 好辛苦

我说 每天问题那么多 能应对的就直接来了

哪有时间逃避那么多

世界上每个人面对一堆事

总会走过来的

成果就看个人造化罢了

I am sorry for messing up. 

I am always on the brink of my tears and there are too many things I can't talk about. 

Too many dirty laundry. 

I lived my life trying to not have it holding me back.

You are the only person right now I can't bear to lose. 

I don't need to lose. 

But I have to keep telling myself, it is alright and stop being so stubborn. 

You have helped a lot and I need to figured out the rest myself. 

Positivity. Do good. Say good things.

Love deeply, love passionately, 

Don't give up. 

I moved to not be the one seeing you in the same city, in the grey territory. 

I know I love you all so willingly, and not crossing that line would be a calming treasure.

All the while I wished you all the best. And I mend my heart for myself.

Time would heal. It's a good thing. I bathed in all the things I learnt from you, trying to live as simply and happy as possible. 

You were a blessing. And still are. That's the beauty of friendship.

It's all in my mind. I have been through this before. 

I just missed him and want to hold on to something good,

Nothing wrong with that. But he is not good for the bigger picture.

It is doing both of us a favour. I need to concentrate on my career. 

I need to help myself. I am capable and very strong. 

I have to fight the urge to apologise. It doesn't makethings right. Or it's not time yet.

It's okay babe. 

大艺术家

Daunting

 Stop thinking about missing him, about what we could have been. 

This isn't high school. He wasn't  loving you. 

He never asked you to go back. He is ruining you now. 

It hurts enough and you should help yourself now.

There are better things to do.

Better people that suits you. And would have more faith in you.

Wouldn't stop or blinked at the thought of wanting to be with you.

 No changes. 

以不变应万变

不顾天时地利人和

结束 句点

Too many tears for him.

Too many lah. 

http://youtu.be/tA8AfQaUnXM

I was feeling bad and cautious to not like you. And then I got over it for I can like you all I want and as long as I don't do anything to have you then everything is alright. To my great friend, it's not hard being easy. It's just that you let on and refuse to make things right. It isn't high school and I'm not the expert, but is a shame to have put our friendship through all that time. May all be well. I smile at the thought of you. 

I love my best friend. We just never speak to each other anymore.

 Or shall I say, he never want me in his life now.

The story started in the final year of my university degree. I asked him to join in our final year project. He was the only guy anyway and we can use the extra hand. It was plain old platonic friendship. The other girl graduated earlier before us. But we were in the same class again for another final course. A stronger friendship is budding. We chatted. Way too long way too deep way too comforting. He was a blessing. I can't remember when did he says that he is in a ldr. His words about his confidence in his love was overwhelming. Like he just can't lose her. I admired that. And I think she must have been a really great girl. To turned him into someone like this. I took comfort in that we're close friends, and shared some of my hardest moments in life with him. I am very thankful, to have known him trust him and opened up to him. And I know I must be careful and not do anything stupid, even when I trusted him fully on his relationship. I didn't care how do I look or speak or walk around him. It doesn't matter and I can be as unkempt as I want to be. Never did I know, he is going to be the one that helped me to attain closure. We texted after graduation and arranged for working visa. I went to his city and met his family. And dogs. Not his girlfriend though. So weird for I was there for a long time. Anyway I am pretty stubborn and still didn't have feelings for him. All went well and I flew back to australia. The timeline is a blur now for he flew too much. I remembered saying goodbye to him just bidding farewell for he shall just go back and continue his relationship and start his career. But he flew back a month later and said it was because of me. Tears struck. He doesn't meet me when I was deciding whether to move away from my uni city. He was busy so I just informed him about my decision. Right after I bought my tickets. Anyway I flew away and didn't go back. He flew back to his city again and I remembered calling him one night when I was overwhelmed with deep soreness in depression stress and cried hard for a real good time. It was long due ans the cry was real good. I needed him at the time and he brought closure to my issues. So much growth and he opened my eyes to plenty of possibilities. He was the best therapy. Maybe I had been a pent up bottle for far too long, the trust I had for him was unnerving. And I had known then, I handed him the knife to my heart, to rip me apart. He was given the power. I knew days were getting harder when I felt positivity when texting or calling him, and have that craving growing strong when I was alone. That was when I started to lose it. My mind was all about I trust him, to not hurt me, and his relationship whatsoever. And I typed long winded messages that I can't remember the words. Probably something hurtful. And I knew I shouldn't have sent it that time. Or the other time. Or the next time after. Because he was a great companion. A great friend. And I don't have the need to want him anyway. Because I don't do distance. Anyway I ruined a beautiful friendship. Too many words I can't describe, for all the things we spoke still echoed clearly in my mind. He asked why forgive friends who hurts you. And my answer is because the friendship is very precious and worth saving. I called him on thanksgiving. Why because of me you came back and hurt me. I had spent the year in vain hope to go back for him. Well words unsaid and he never wanted to travel. He probably figured I like him and would jeopardise his relationship. And I only turned this way because he hasn't been a great responder in texts or phone calls. Be it my fault, to wanting a great person in my life. And there were never romance in between us anyway. Ambiguous hurts. And clearing up messes shouldn't be so hard. It would be trouble, to be with someone so influential in my life. Trust him fully, but just stop being blind. Wakey wakey. 

All new 2015. 

One day I will look back and laugh at myself. =D

http://youtu.be/vsBf_0gDxSM

http://youtu.be/GsKbnsUN2RE