Skeptical - we are all just finding a place in this world. why worry?

it takes perseverance. it takes courage. it takes luck and faith. why am i so fucked up with moving house all the time. it's so annoying. i didn't talk to friends anymore. i am not spilling my problems to my friends. because it makes me feel like i am bothering them with petty musings. and not that they can help me solve my problems. but when everything get stuffed in my head i end up accomplishing nothing. i am not the type of person who can do things alone. at least not yet. i set goals. but without the right motivation and time limit they are all going down the drain. this is just how my winter holiday has gone by. i am disappointed with myself. not to the end of i worth nothing. though i was kept reminded of how friendless i am, how i actually mistrust everyone i know, that anyone who care and would be there when things don't go the way they should be. after some wallowing in the negative department, i forced myself to cheer up and think positively. being negative is just pulling me back and doesn't do any good. oh yes it does and always have make me appreciate and treasure the happiness and gatherings that are becoming harder and harder to come by. but overall, i would prefer the positive state of mind. i had mapped out the priority tasks that was going on in my life early this year to help me concentrate and get control of myself, to feel less being pulled apart by the phases of life and things that are going on around me. life however doesn't have a definite right answer and the human brain is a sacred place. now, i feel like i can mapped out my brain with different 'emotions'. like 'must-do no matter how i feel' 'positive thinking' 'happiness' 'appreciation' 'sad places' 'don ask' and more.. when i realized i am dwelling into negative emotions, i tell myself to stop. and stop and just forget it. it is not productive and not going anywhere. maybe it is living by myself. maybe it is not getting emotionally attached with anyone. not having passion or drive in anything. other than just achieving what is needed to be done in studies. sometimes i do feel like a loner but getting used to it and being busy just drive out all of the negativity. like i mentioned before, you would never miss anything you never have. maybe it's a bit of the extreme but that seems to have helped me to get on with life this past 1.5 year. even though this had worked for me, and mind you, it has not been easy, though i do feel that people do not naturally care for others. we are nice people of course. and we do nice things and being polite to an extent of modesty. but trust? it's earned, and i had not been easy or open to it for a long time. my university life is coming to an end, though i have not collected the best ever uni experience i shall say, i had learned a lot as a person. i do question myself, whether this is how everyone eventually would be, or i am just taking the sidepath and being totally immature. existence. after all, it's the human experience that matters in the end.

do i still care? i do. but does anyone else care that i care? i doubt so.

ps. i should probably give my dearest ones some credits. i do do feel very fully loved with them in my heart. there are just lonely times that is hard to go through. that's all. in my life.