13 weeks of studies. Time would pass really quickly.

fighting the urge to leave the city and never come back. counting down to 24 Dec 2013.

如果一輩子等於一天，二十幾歲，頂多就是早上的7點12分，是正要出門的時刻。不要以「我已經來不及了」為藉口，我們都還年輕，還可以跌倒，還可以犯錯，還可以反悔，還可以重新出發。未來還沒到來，一切都還來得及，沒有什麼不能改變。

Skeptical - we are all just finding a place in this world. why worry?

it takes perseverance. it takes courage. it takes luck and faith. why am i so fucked up with moving house all the time. it's so annoying. i didn't talk to friends anymore. i am not spilling my problems to my friends. because it makes me feel like i am bothering them with petty musings. and not that they can help me solve my problems. but when everything get stuffed in my head i end up accomplishing nothing. i am not the type of person who can do things alone. at least not yet. i set goals. but without the right motivation and time limit they are all going down the drain. this is just how my winter holiday has gone by. i am disappointed with myself. not to the end of i worth nothing. though i was kept reminded of how friendless i am, how i actually mistrust everyone i know, that anyone who care and would be there when things don't go the way they should be. after some wallowing in the negative department, i forced myself to cheer up and think positively. being negative is just pulling me back and doesn't do any good. oh yes it does and always have make me appreciate and treasure the happiness and gatherings that are becoming harder and harder to come by. but overall, i would prefer the positive state of mind. i had mapped out the priority tasks that was going on in my life early this year to help me concentrate and get control of myself, to feel less being pulled apart by the phases of life and things that are going on around me. life however doesn't have a definite right answer and the human brain is a sacred place. now, i feel like i can mapped out my brain with different 'emotions'. like 'must-do no matter how i feel' 'positive thinking' 'happiness' 'appreciation' 'sad places' 'don ask' and more.. when i realized i am dwelling into negative emotions, i tell myself to stop. and stop and just forget it. it is not productive and not going anywhere. maybe it is living by myself. maybe it is not getting emotionally attached with anyone. not having passion or drive in anything. other than just achieving what is needed to be done in studies. sometimes i do feel like a loner but getting used to it and being busy just drive out all of the negativity. like i mentioned before, you would never miss anything you never have. maybe it's a bit of the extreme but that seems to have helped me to get on with life this past 1.5 year. even though this had worked for me, and mind you, it has not been easy, though i do feel that people do not naturally care for others. we are nice people of course. and we do nice things and being polite to an extent of modesty. but trust? it's earned, and i had not been easy or open to it for a long time. my university life is coming to an end, though i have not collected the best ever uni experience i shall say, i had learned a lot as a person. i do question myself, whether this is how everyone eventually would be, or i am just taking the sidepath and being totally immature. existence. after all, it's the human experience that matters in the end.

do i still care? i do. but does anyone else care that i care? i doubt so.

ps. i should probably give my dearest ones some credits. i do do feel very fully loved with them in my heart. there are just lonely times that is hard to go through. that's all. in my life.

都忘了 是谁先开始放的手 感谢忙碌的生活 一段磨炼

because you will never be as good as the man in my head.
if you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. embrace the uncertainty. allow it to lead you places. be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret. spin wildly into your next action. enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. and if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. you’ll find your way again.

every day is an adventure to discovering the meaning of life. it is each little thing that you do everyday, whether it be spending time with your friends, running a cross-country race, orjust simply staring at the crashing ocean waves, that holds the key to discovering the meaning of life. i would rather be out enjoying these simple things than pondering them. we may never really discover the meaning of life, but the knowledge we gain in our quest to discover it is truly more valuable.

http://secretlyloved.tumblr.com/page/2

sleep deprivation

it's a terrible feeling to not be able to sleep at this hour. it's 5.30 in the morning. this really irregular sleeping hours had been going on for the past month. not like i can afford to lose so much of my time even though it is holiday. So many things to do and yet all left undone. there is pressure, fear and motivation all at the same time. yet i am still too wide awake and could only feel dead tired as the sun rises. why did this all happened.. maybe it started in early June when classes ended and I start losing all my grips. to have some self-discipline and take care of myself. it's true. Structure and routine can be very soothing. five months of that and I lose to temptations.