身体很热 睡不着

回忆太多 太可怕

以决定照顾自己

不要得过且过

已经非常糟糕

日子很难过

别疼惜 别掉进回忆漩涡

曾经男孩对我说 生活很简单 别想得太复杂

曾经女孩对我说 一个人那么坚强 好辛苦

我说 每天问题那么多 能应对的就直接来了

哪有时间逃避那么多

世界上每个人面对一堆事

总会走过来的

成果就看个人造化罢了

I am sorry for messing up. 

I am always on the brink of my tears and there are too many things I can't talk about. 

Too many dirty laundry. 

I lived my life trying to not have it holding me back.

You are the only person right now I can't bear to lose. 

I don't need to lose. 

But I have to keep telling myself, it is alright and stop being so stubborn. 

You have helped a lot and I need to figured out the rest myself. 

Positivity. Do good. Say good things.

Love deeply, love passionately, 

Don't give up. 

I moved to not be the one seeing you in the same city, in the grey territory. 

I know I love you all so willingly, and not crossing that line would be a calming treasure.

All the while I wished you all the best. And I mend my heart for myself.

Time would heal. It's a good thing. I bathed in all the things I learnt from you, trying to live as simply and happy as possible. 

You were a blessing. And still are. That's the beauty of friendship.

It's all in my mind. I have been through this before. 

I just missed him and want to hold on to something good,

Nothing wrong with that. But he is not good for the bigger picture.

It is doing both of us a favour. I need to concentrate on my career. 

I need to help myself. I am capable and very strong. 

I have to fight the urge to apologise. It doesn't makethings right. Or it's not time yet.

It's okay babe. 

大艺术家

Daunting

 Stop thinking about missing him, about what we could have been. 

This isn't high school. He wasn't  loving you. 

He never asked you to go back. He is ruining you now. 

It hurts enough and you should help yourself now.

There are better things to do.

Better people that suits you. And would have more faith in you.

Wouldn't stop or blinked at the thought of wanting to be with you.

 No changes. 

以不变应万变

不顾天时地利人和

结束 句点

Too many tears for him.

Too many lah. 

http://youtu.be/tA8AfQaUnXM

I was feeling bad and cautious to not like you. And then I got over it for I can like you all I want and as long as I don't do anything to have you then everything is alright. To my great friend, it's not hard being easy. It's just that you let on and refuse to make things right. It isn't high school and I'm not the expert, but is a shame to have put our friendship through all that time. May all be well. I smile at the thought of you. 

I love my best friend. We just never speak to each other anymore.

 Or shall I say, he never want me in his life now.

The story started in the final year of my university degree. I asked him to join in our final year project. He was the only guy anyway and we can use the extra hand. It was plain old platonic friendship. The other girl graduated earlier before us. But we were in the same class again for another final course. A stronger friendship is budding. We chatted. Way too long way too deep way too comforting. He was a blessing. I can't remember when did he says that he is in a ldr. His words about his confidence in his love was overwhelming. Like he just can't lose her. I admired that. And I think she must have been a really great girl. To turned him into someone like this. I took comfort in that we're close friends, and shared some of my hardest moments in life with him. I am very thankful, to have known him trust him and opened up to him. And I know I must be careful and not do anything stupid, even when I trusted him fully on his relationship. I didn't care how do I look or speak or walk around him. It doesn't matter and I can be as unkempt as I want to be. Never did I know, he is going to be the one that helped me to attain closure. We texted after graduation and arranged for working visa. I went to his city and met his family. And dogs. Not his girlfriend though. So weird for I was there for a long time. Anyway I am pretty stubborn and still didn't have feelings for him. All went well and I flew back to australia. The timeline is a blur now for he flew too much. I remembered saying goodbye to him just bidding farewell for he shall just go back and continue his relationship and start his career. But he flew back a month later and said it was because of me. Tears struck. He doesn't meet me when I was deciding whether to move away from my uni city. He was busy so I just informed him about my decision. Right after I bought my tickets. Anyway I flew away and didn't go back. He flew back to his city again and I remembered calling him one night when I was overwhelmed with deep soreness in depression stress and cried hard for a real good time. It was long due ans the cry was real good. I needed him at the time and he brought closure to my issues. So much growth and he opened my eyes to plenty of possibilities. He was the best therapy. Maybe I had been a pent up bottle for far too long, the trust I had for him was unnerving. And I had known then, I handed him the knife to my heart, to rip me apart. He was given the power. I knew days were getting harder when I felt positivity when texting or calling him, and have that craving growing strong when I was alone. That was when I started to lose it. My mind was all about I trust him, to not hurt me, and his relationship whatsoever. And I typed long winded messages that I can't remember the words. Probably something hurtful. And I knew I shouldn't have sent it that time. Or the other time. Or the next time after. Because he was a great companion. A great friend. And I don't have the need to want him anyway. Because I don't do distance. Anyway I ruined a beautiful friendship. Too many words I can't describe, for all the things we spoke still echoed clearly in my mind. He asked why forgive friends who hurts you. And my answer is because the friendship is very precious and worth saving. I called him on thanksgiving. Why because of me you came back and hurt me. I had spent the year in vain hope to go back for him. Well words unsaid and he never wanted to travel. He probably figured I like him and would jeopardise his relationship. And I only turned this way because he hasn't been a great responder in texts or phone calls. Be it my fault, to wanting a great person in my life. And there were never romance in between us anyway. Ambiguous hurts. And clearing up messes shouldn't be so hard. It would be trouble, to be with someone so influential in my life. Trust him fully, but just stop being blind. Wakey wakey. 

All new 2015. 

One day I will look back and laugh at myself. =D

http://youtu.be/vsBf_0gDxSM

http://youtu.be/GsKbnsUN2RE

New year resolution 2015

1. Get a job
2. Learn a skill
3. Get improvement every single day and blog it
4. No wasting time
5. Weekly budgeting
6. Go out and meet new people every week. Don talk to weird strangers
7. Exercise every day
8. Limit to two hours entertainment a day
9. Stay positive and believe in myself
10. I build my own life and write my own story. Be happy doing it.

http://youtu.be/aiaXotXOF7U

Leaving my favorite city

I am very very blessed to have met someone like you. Who had taught me so much that is beyond words. I am sorry to have thrown tantrums on you. So badly. You are still the closest one anyone had gotten me of. And yes I trust you in this department. It is the perks of being a friend, It is totally acceptable to not contact each other for prolonged period. But not mum. Even though the abuse is like on a daily basis. You were my closure. And yes. I am sorry I can't unload it on you. I would have fallen in you too much. It was pretty hard to bear this year but I am glad it turned out this way. I am twenty three. And I have to take control of my life. Had let it slipped and tumbled this year round, And my new year resolution is a daily growth. In knowledge, in career, in relationships, and in life. You are my super friend. And I look forward to the time we would ever meet again.
路是人走出来的
You made me forget about sad and depression. And reminded me to celebrate life. To use my ability to give, to love, to grow. And that I have the ability to have dreams and work towards them. And have more dreams and to be better. You are a great man. And would continue to be. I know it from the first time we met. XXOO

Totally know the reason I cried out why did you come back here. And moved away abruptly. Even though it hurts so much back then. Same country is pretty unbearable. Same city? It takes this long till we are finally on the same page. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Because everything is simple. s I M P L e

Education and training

Self motivation:

Can you do it - behavior
Will it work - training
Is it worth it - consequences

Self motivated for worthwhile work
Feel competent
Choice, anatomy, self motivation
Controlled by consequences
Positive reinforcement
BecomebSuccess seeker and not failure avoidance

Whenever you get overwhelmed, break it down.
We can always learn from each other. Have the humility, it's community and we need each other.

Mindfulness - how you communicate to yourself is how to others

Community, social support, sense of relatedness

Empowering
Training and feedback

2014

Jan to Kk. Hx to miri.
Feb 3 to Singapore Adelaide.
March 18 to Perth.
April interview.
May mum to Perth.
June move out.
July at jacinta. Camp.

August till early Nov travel to Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, KL, Hk, Macau, Taiwan, Albany, Melbourne, Adelaide, Monkey Mia, Perth.