救命稻草

救命稻草
有的时候沉浸在自己的世界里
有的时候压抑那萌动的情感
知道有一段心理如果不处理
它只会在心里扎根土化
一直和自己对话
你是救命稻草
仅此而已

你不是异性友人
你不是蓝颜知己
开始和结束都一样
你是陌生人
不再联系后才荡起层层涟漪的陌路人

Crazy Lady

Honestly it still stung my heart when I browsed a little bit of my writing back then. So I had an older blog similar to this musings too about another guy. Another one when I was younger yet about another guy. Because it is embarassing to read them and they are up to no good anyway. Writing those out is really a short term release to free my mind but working my brain on these doesn't really bring any good.

We all are learning and finding ways to treat our heart and be more passionate in life. Maybe I still need to fix myself. Maybe I have a long long route to go. I know that I am good enough. Just the right guy is still stuck in the forest somewhere on the mountains or underwater. To complement my current life better and face all these nonsense in life together.

Therapeutic writing

I'm not gonna lie. I kinda enjoy writing out all my thoughts and woes. It calms me. It frees my mind that somehow this is an outlet. I know that it might not fix anything or like probably spreading negativity in this blogasphere but this is a place that I can rant all I want and don't worry about you getting impatient and judging me as a grumbling Gen Y.

Do we all want to be successful in life? Maybe. Just everyone has a different vision of success. Coming along my life I guess I have been taken care of by amazing parents and lived a good life until I reach the roughy patch of adulting. I know everyone is unique and is the owner of our life decisions and fates but I still categorize myself as the young adults who is ready to face the everchanging world with visions and missions.

I mean, my education and background have prepared me well to evolve with times and bring development to the town that I grew up in. I believe myself to have the ability to transform little by little our lifestyle choices and education exposure. Putting much thoughts into my work and reflecting from time to time will bring my team together in time and we all work towards the better goods of my hometown people. If you don't grow you fall.

Last but not least, I am grateful for all the opportunities that I am given and all the people that I have met. It has been an amazing ride this whole time and even though there are ups and downs, I am always thankful for being waking up in the comfort of my family, going to work everyday and affecting people positively whenever we can.

We are who we think we are. Love life. And create one that you don't need to escape from. Holidays are considered as boosters though.

Travel bug

2017 flew past really quickly and there is only 3 months left on the calendar. So, travel bug is biting me and I long for a long holiday to retreat and takes my mind off work. I had been working the extra hours during public holidays and weekends and this life isn't what I have pictured few years ago when I was studying in uni. I haven't put much thought into it I guess and this is where I ended up. Still early into my career life so there is still a long route but I am focusing on living a life that leads to a purpose and have some balance in work and social.

Being back in my hometown and facing new challenges everyday can be kinda mind blowing and overwhelming. I don't mind going the extra miles during my youthful years though to reach somewhere I want to be in the near future. I am glad that things are working out and we are on the path to solving every challenge that comes my way.

I don't know how this turned into an entrepreneurship musings but what I wanted to rant on is my dear dear wish of going on a retreat or travel for leisure trip aboard. Maybe it's the work eating up the brain power that I have I have no ideas or urge where my destination is. Looking at the travel agency or travel bloggers doesn't push my buttons and I am out of ideas on how to fix this. Just go somewhere?

I hate to waste my time spending my off days at home staring at the tv box or just letting my time flies off without really getting a full rest. So I need a plan. That can open my eyes and be passionate about living the working life again. Where should I go?

Reflections

Do you know the feelings by the end of the night

That you wish you had done that little thing differently

Or had not said that stupid little thing this afternoon 

Honestly nothing more could be done 

It is a little glitch that can't really do any harm 

Nothing would have change or being affected by these small regrets

Other than an uneasy feeling or grudge that could just hurt you for stressing you out

Learn to let go

For the time rolls at three thousand six hundred ticks an hour 

Nothing is really that important if it was just a petty comment in a casual convo

Thousands of things are left to be done 

And when you really set a to do list or priority list

You need a system to regulate your concentration 

Allocate time to all these important thing every day 

And you can go far

Take care of yourself 

Because no one else can do it better

Health

Passion

Relationship 

Family

Wealth 

深夜睡不着

我想你 闯入我平平淡淡的生命里

我需要你 介入我枯躁烦闷的生活里

点缀我的生活 滋润我的心灵

我不再需要 一日复一日的

De-stress

Your health is the most direct way you body tells you you have been stressing out or overloading yourself. Life have been good all this while getting things done and feeling like you are in charge. Just like two sides to every coin though, this comes with higher level of stress and voices from all sides which try to deter you from your dreams. Honestly, I do what I do because I believe that it is going somewhere, and it is already a huge step everyday.

Waking up dealing with the never-ending problems is a path that I have picked and enjoy doing. I would rather have the autonomy in deciding the result that I can work towards and make it happen. It is not easy and there will be mistakes along the way but it is through this learning which motivates me to continue. Problem only exists to be solved, and every decision made leads to a better result. There are so much to learn, and so many things that I can do. It is something beautiful that I want to share with my closed ones, and we all have the same future to look forward to.

Chinese New Year has just passed and my culture brings me to go to temples to thank for all the goodness that I have been blessed with for the past year, and pray for a better living in the coming year. Sweet thing this year is that my family traveled to Thailand for a getaway, There is this Phra Phrom, four-faced Buddha for disciple to worship. The four sides are:

Front view: Business and wealth

Left view: Wisdom

Back view: Health

Right view: Relationship and interpersonal

People make prayers around the statue and enlightened me how these are some of the basic wishes that we all have and yearn for. It was a chilling trip as we stayed in the Bloom, a garden up in the hilly areas, with flowery gardens and a grapevine just next door. There is just too much transfer time from one point to another that I felt like we were on the bus 80% of the trip. I would have to go to only Bangkok next time if I am to go and make it a shopping trip.

Coming back to my health, I just went to a clinic for some vaccine injections. Ta-da, I'm overweight again. Stress adds pounds to me. Perhaps I don't have a right mechanism to deal with stress. It's like an invisible killer and I don't know that I am getting burned out day-in day-out. There are so many challenges that I feel like I think I am handling well but my body is telling me otherwise. It is just a simple body-check routine before the injection but I know that I have to put my health as my priority before anything else. I try to make a list for things I need to do all the time. It helps, but I have a list in the back of my mind for things like writing a travel blog, photo-book all my travels, connecting with my old peers, have some reading habits... the list goes on and I have to make time for these. 

Sometimes this not-so-important things are the in fact important as these are what makes me happy. I mean, I am all for living a happy life and doing things you want and work towards goals. I realised that I haven't sat down and stop thinking about non-work related issues. Everything just have links to ways or ideas of improving the business. I believe entrepreneurship is the way I working towards, but I need to work on my mindset that my life should not only be about this. Closure? There has to be a way. I mean I have to overcome the inside me that want to get everything done good, fast and efficient. It takes a village. 

My wish for the year:

Health

Happiness

Love

Success ^^

碍着谁了爱

我爱你 不只是说说而已

我爱你 爱得不能自已

我爱你 为什么偏偏是你

拆了我的城墙 却把我关进了牢笼里

I'm not heartless

We feel everything.
I can hide it sometimes and say the words against my heart even though I hurt myself.
Your warmth is intensifying.
Every single moment spent.
I need strength to fight against it, running away.
I'm sorry I got hurt before.
I'm sorry I don't know when can I start believing again.
But I know you are really really good.
Like. Really good.

不哭不闹不是乖宝宝

安静很吵
安静不了
歹说胡说
安静不好

十年一日
十句一字
依稀是会
意字是会

不言可以不笑
不掩可以不演
戳了破了就算了

终究是知道
时间不会冲淡
放下才是答案

Last day in Perth

There was a lot of you. I miss you. And I tried everything. To Let it go.

So I'm blessed. For the wonderful time. I won't stop. To be true. To be me.

It's the best thing you thought me. That I won't spend any more time to be less of me.

I love me. I love that I make decisions for myself. I love that I had let myself run free and lost and be defeated. I don't like losing. But I needed the truth. 

It's not nothing. I went all this way before I cared so much for you. I don't know whether you will do the same thing for me. I cried a thousand times. I wrote a thousand letters. I said this is the last time for a thousand times. I don't know what would have happened if it was another route. But if it is meant to be, it will happen for me. I did what I did for you. I'm always thankful to have met you. Because I know that I will find myself a way. To be a better me. To always go up. To always always grow up. 

To everyone that I love and stood by me, I will always be grateful. I am excited to find out how my life is going to turn out. And finding the passion back in me to push me, getting to the better and wonderful me, I Won't stop. And I'm so blessed. To never have to look back and wonder what ifs. 

People see what they wanted to see. And you had taken me.

 

Paper town.

两年的峰回路转

总觉得回家后就会告别social media 一阵子了

失去了自己那么久 终于到可以交上那差强人意的成绩单

很伤心吗 又懊悔吗 一一想想吧 

回到刚毕业时 会留下来吗  还是会

回到刚搬来珀斯时 还会留吗。不该留的

该问他的没问 

该过的生活没过

该追的梦没追

该赚的钱没赚

赔了时间金钱感情

自己的定力毁得一团糟

可是

感谢时间教会我

什么人值得信

什么话值得忍

什么事值得做

纪律 生活方式 观念

规定了生活沉湎

今天所作的会决定明天的成果

最重要的就是你要对得起自己的心

人生是自己在过的

别再把任何人的事摆在自己的前面

而赔了自己的人生

自己是可以决定自己的命运的

Unspoken but blamed - Perth

Maybe one day I will forgive you and forgive myself.

Till then.

May all focus go on rewinding the damage.

Reciprocate the loss. 

For losing him was a bet.

Losing hope was unforeseen.

Chasing back faith is a belief.

Road not taken won't be relived.

No regrets. 

Remember to always take full control. 

In all aspects. 

It's a wrap. Like getting out of a trap. A bling bling honey trap. Happily got myself into it. With a strong faith that I won't question the what-ifs and what-nots. Time gives answers. I'm so blessed to have everyone to surface me from where I was through this journey. To be with me, believe in me, supporting me. Would you have done otherwise? The answer will always be, it is the best decision within all conditions. #retrospective #wanderluster #toottoottrain

Love yourself.

Do what's best for yourself in every decision you make. Every step you take. Everyday you spend.

Never let anyone else take control over your life. You are in charge. In everything. Love yourself.

Delightful journey

Sometimes you just went from intense to open, raw and vulnerable. It's a journey.

Triggers

There are just so many triggers. That I can easily cry. Getting older is getting tougher if you don't grow.

Don't walk into my heart and explode.

蝴蝶哪兒有家

Days became months and became years.

Because of you

你敢不敢

I tell myself

I need to quit caring for the other thinking I'm not ready. I need not be afraid of the fall. I need to stop denying my feelings and just be myself. Too much control is Just pulling hard on the heart strings . Be free.

It's counted in years. The question was never 你讓我怎麼辦。It is 我要怎麼辦。

You didn't cross my mind at my most vulnerable moment in surfers. But ain't it funny my heart still hurts looking at your profile and see that you got half of your insta photos deleted?

May the truth set you free. Instincts. Don't go against it anymore. Be true to yourself.

Just be Twenty-three

Is it just me but it feels like you know the answer to everything?
Is it just me but it feels safe and warm around you?
Is it just me but it feels okay to confide anything with you?
Why is there such a pull to trust so much in you, even when my head says no.
Why is there such a button that switched on and off all the time around you, even till my heart feel so.
I don't know what is this. I really don't.
I need you. You come by at a really good time.
I don't know what to do.
To suppress or embrace.
To accept or let go.
But I know you are someone I treasure.
Because you are true.
At least I feel so.

I feel shaken by the lost of a high school friend and your face just float up to my mind.
That I wish to run to you and just want to hear what you have to say.
But I suppress it. Because I feel like I needed you. I know I can do it myself.
This time I dealt with it. I acknowledged it. I get past it.
I know it is hard to accept an early death. Being gone so young.
A lot of times and attitude of life to be reflected upon.
Have I done enough. Have I helped enough people.
Have I shared my experience and love around.
I know about  coping mechanism. I know everyone can do it differently.
There is no easy way out. But it could be better, with someone to talk to.
Reach out. People do care. These words are so important but it's funny how is not being said enough.
Love deeply, compassionately. Do everything you can to give help and create goodness.

Sassy

Super duper happy.
So in love.
I=

BLUEKKKK

I'm grateful that he is doing this too now..
I'm so weird..

Loving you was never my intention
Kinda sad Kinda happy..
This is absurd..
Whahahhahahaha
I don't even know what I want now..