it hurts

because you just disappear.
why are you doing this.
if it is mutual why can't just let it be.
i felt the roles are reversed.
if that even make sense.
i am a fool.
i procrastinate.
though i do love my life.
but making decisions are tough.
because everything do not just fall into place.
and i can't just snap a decision.
on the way of doing that.
and i hate that i don have the guts to do it too.
or i just don hold on to it.
whatever.
'm just finding reasons to hurt myself
and it's just worse that i know it.

i don even know. what am i doing. where would i be. in september.
secret santa.
just answer me.

argh
my heart just fall again because i need to find the answer
myself.

xoxo
remember
i still have love
lying all around.
i do i do i do.
kick ass.
please smile.
it had been weeks of cuddling in bed doing nothing eating crap
pulling a smile in front of people and jokes like everything is the same
and well they are the same
just a different me
and i need to find that good one back.
stop rambling... but there is so much tickling mingling in my mind and i have noone to talk to.
because they all doesn't make sense anyway.
and it is just bothering and boring.
it is just better to talk to the wall.
so that one day i look back at this.
and get some weird feeling or discovery
that once upon a time.
i had been this girl
so in love with a random person i just met
and he doesn't know
and he doesn't do anything about it
and cowardly
i just sit and wait and cry and try hard to let go
of something that never happen
i am just getting really random now
really
i need to get my feet back for a due date in 48 hours, which i haven't started.
dear me,
please pull youself together.
for me myself and i.
for i have been lost for a very long time.
and i can't really afford it any longer.

bite me. =)