so i let my guards down and let you touch my heart

we all carry our own baggage..

you would think

after been through so many goodbyes

from hometown to a month-long trip with total strangers in a foreign country

from hometown to another new home living with my sister

from new home to a completely new place with a different group of people i never ever met

and again now

the backwards begin..

leaving means saying goodbye

leaving means starting new

leaving is just a phase

:)

love you for leaving a print in my heart

To mr banana and ms superstar

I love.
I cry.
I care.
I'm thankful for you to appear in my life. Thankful all those things that happen at the right time with the right people. I'm really glad that you brought out what's in me. These qualities that I never know. I have only met me, the same time you met me. Truth is, I have been this way for a long time but it takes someone to unfolds it. I have never been happier, never been so comfortable, with myself.

I really thank you. For bringing me out.

Blue Mosque, Istanbul

Long nights before the final strike

I love that I have all day to do everything I can feeling free and safe without you by my side.
I love that after midday I can talk to you for all the things I am doing and saying that I am fine.
I love for the fact that you are always there and will always be there for me when I need you.
I love the bright daylight outside though I am more willing to connect all my energy to you.
Though
I hate that my day haven't ended when you want to go to bed.
I hate that my midnight is when your day just started.
I hate that I miss you the most when the night falls.
I hate that I cannot call you and feel safe at your side.

Call it my weakness.
But I'm a wreck at times like this.
I couldn't survive being alone.
Without love without passion with nothing to hold on to.
Tell me how should I survive.

工作

把自己放在放大镜前
很多问题翻倍的放大
是时候
进步自己了
为未来努力
给自己一个可以骄傲往前的动力
我可以

伯明翰楼房内之心情日记

是不是长大了 父母的牵挂少了自己的压力大了
该烦恼的事务杂了 该担心的小事也多了
不能像小时候
不要烦时就把脑袋给关了
不能像小时候
不开心时哭了就算了忘了没事了
矛盾的时刻多了
上一秒很感激很感性很感谢我今天的所有
下一秒很澎湃很烦躁很罪恶没有未来的打算
现在这一刻的心
到底该往哪儿去
试问天

心
没法探根究底
怎么样的人
就会过怎么样的生活
如果因为被约束
受百般抑制而不能作自己
不能找到可以谈心的人说五四三
总是不能把最冒汗的心事摊开
而终于终于
在过了那数不尽的日子里
发现了能微微安顿我心的背包旅行
那种可以万事都不阻我的清新享受
万分难得的清静
回来时却换来不受认可的怨言
那也只能认了

飞出来的鸟儿
是不想回笼子的
麻雀遇上了凤凰
终于体会
只为自己打算
一切的一切
就很快就有着落了
该做的事没人会代替你
想干的事只有自己能代力
反正世界就一个样
而我所看的世界
会因为我的成长而有万分的改变

bye bye

So there was a time.. in fact.. many times.. in the past few year.. i would have a phase every now and then.. to cry out loud.. to sob till my whole shirt is wet with tears.. uncontrollably shaky and desperately down.. not to mention the loved ones i so ungratefully roared at.. for years.. thanks for the patience and understandings to walk me through.. i know.. i know that i am afraid of the truth. i know i am just being a coward. i don't have the courage.. or what it takes.. to deal with the real feelings. i don't know how long will it takes.. to recover.. to learn and conquer.. the more i think about it.. the more i feel there is a big high wall against it.. i never said goodbye.. i never can.. and i can never forget the whole life.. how am i supposed to know.. how to deal with this.. no one would ever be prepared for what we encountered. and i just pushed the feelings deep inside me.. for so many years.. i never talked about it.. not to any single soul.. i am never ready for it.. how do i say goodbye.. how do i say that i love you i trust you i believe in you.. when you are not here anymore.. how am i going to get pass this..to have the courage to love someone else.. to have faith.. to believe again.. i miss you so much.. my dear

♥