bye bye

So there was a time.. in fact.. many times.. in the past few year.. i would have a phase every now and then.. to cry out loud.. to sob till my whole shirt is wet with tears.. uncontrollably shaky and desperately down.. not to mention the loved ones i so ungratefully roared at.. for years.. thanks for the patience and understandings to walk me through.. i know.. i know that i am afraid of the truth. i know i am just being a coward. i don't have the courage.. or what it takes.. to deal with the real feelings. i don't know how long will it takes.. to recover.. to learn and conquer.. the more i think about it.. the more i feel there is a big high wall against it.. i never said goodbye.. i never can.. and i can never forget the whole life.. how am i supposed to know.. how to deal with this.. no one would ever be prepared for what we encountered. and i just pushed the feelings deep inside me.. for so many years.. i never talked about it.. not to any single soul.. i am never ready for it.. how do i say goodbye.. how do i say that i love you i trust you i believe in you.. when you are not here anymore.. how am i going to get pass this..to have the courage to love someone else.. to have faith.. to believe again.. i miss you so much.. my dear

♥